Identifying as a Jew
6 min read
The crisis in Israel is generating a lot of anxiety. Here’s how to deal with it.
I am not going to make you less anxious, nor recommend any tools, tips, or tricks to reduce the intense feelings of panic that so many are experiencing. I have a different recommendation - one that I believe is better than any anti-anxiety strategy or medication.
It’s time to change our relationship with anxiety.
Our society incessantly seeks to be anxiety-free. We deeply value happiness, equanimity, solace, and peace. In concert with our strivings for emotional satisfaction, we are quick to pathologize distress. Today, even low levels of anxiety are enough to warrant a medical diagnosis and prescription of medications.
On the one hand, this makes sense. Who doesn’t want to feel calm and joyful? Why wouldn’t we seek to eliminate anxiety, fear, sadness, and emotional pain? On the other hand, our quest for emotional peace has - ironically - increased the prevalence and severity of anxiety en masse.
The moment we or our children feel anxious, we catastrophize that there is something medically wrong. We view anxiety as a dangerous form of emotional weakness (“Why doesn’t everyone else feel this way?”).
We have turned anxiety into something to fear, so the moment we feel anxious, we take a nosedive into the abyss of distress.
We are caught in a vicious cycle. The more we view anxiety as a threat, the more adrenaline pumps into our system when we start to feel uncomfortable. Adrenaline, in turn, increases our physical sensations of anxiety, such as increased heart rate, constricted breathing, and muscle tension. These feelings increase our perception of danger, resulting in more adrenaline being released.
I believe this cascade is the main reason why we’re facing an anxiety epidemic today. We have turned anxiety into something to fear, so the moment we feel anxious, we take a nosedive into the abyss of distress.
Let’s get it straight once and for all: Anxiety is not a disease. It is not dangerous or problematic to feel concern, worry, apprehension, disquietude, or even panic at certain times. On the contrary: Anxiety is a normal and expected part of life.
The current crisis in Israel is just one example. Last week, terrorists mercilessly shed the blood of 1300 innocent Jews, from grandmothers to babies, perpetrating the most heinous day of violence in Israel’s history. An open call for a “day of rage” against Jews around the world last Friday, highlighted that global antisemitism is alive and well.
Israel now stands on the brink of an intricate and extremely dangerous ground invasion of Gaza. Simultaneously, Israelis are facing attacks in the West Bank and from Lebanon, and there is a looming threat emerging from Iran. As the Mayor of New York City, Eric Adams, put it the other day, “We are not alright!”
If you are upset about the fact that you feel anxious right now, consider the alternative: Would you truly be better off if you didn’t feel apprehensive, considering everything that’s going on?
If you’re seeking strategies to feel less anxious today, you’re headed in the wrong direction. If I gave you every tool I have learned over the past 20 years of academic and clinical work, it wouldn’t be enough.
Accept that anxiety normal; in fact, it’s even a good thing. Yes, it feels awful. No one likes to feel anxious. But once we accept that we will feel uncomfortably anxious at times - very uncomfortably anxious - a number of opportunities arise.
First, anxiety can deepen our emotional connection with others.
Those who are blessed to feel anxious tend to be more “in tune” with others’ feelings. The vast majority of my anxious patients over the past two decades have shown a heightened capacity for empathy. When we have felt distressed, it’s easier to recognize, appreciate, and respond to the struggles and pain-points of others.
Similarly, if you want to supercharge any relationship, speak from the heart about your anxieties and vulnerabilities. Many times, we pull back from communicating when we feel anxious - because speaking about our anxieties initially makes us feel worse, as it’s easier to distract ourselves from what’s on our minds. However, by embracing anxiety and allowing oneself to feel intense pain in the presence of others, we can deepen our emotional intimacy.
Embrace your feelings of anxiety and use them to connect with others.
Notably, the age-old Jewish practice of sitting shiva calls for mourners to be surrounded by one’s community in order to process grief and speak about their feelings. In the context of the current crisis, I am a strong proponent of people speaking with at least 1-2 other people about your feelings. Whether with your partner, friend, or even a therapist, allow yourself to cry, lament, panic, and dismay, and be emotionally held by another person.
Again, the goal here is not to feel less anxious. On the contrary: Embrace your feelings of anxiety and use them to connect with others.
Second, anxiety can be harnessed for spiritual growth.
According to psychological science, the main causes of anxiety include intolerance of uncertainty and the need to be in control. Conversely, anxiety tends to be substantially less distressing when we are able to let go and accept the unknown.
This is precisely why the current crisis makes us so anxious. Israel’s highly sophisticated and technologically advanced border fence did not stop terrorists. The current hostage crisis seems unresolvable without significant casualties. It is extremely challenging to accept that our sense of material security and safety has been shattered. If you’re not feeling anxious now, you’re not tuned into the reality of what’s going on!
The current crisis has highlighted how small and vulnerable we are, and how much is out of our scope of our knowledge and power.
Spiritually speaking, the current crisis has highlighted how small and vulnerable we are, and how much is out of our scope of our knowledge and power. The Vilna Gaon - one of the greatest rabbis of the last millennium - taught that just as a field must be plowed before seeds can be planted, the heart’s shell must be broken with “intense emotions” before spirituality can take root. He similarly stated “the mainstay of prayer is tears.”
Over the past week, I’ve had a much more palpable sense that, ultimately, I am very small, and I’ve been crying every day during my prayers while reaching out to connect to God.
Instead of trying to feel less anxious, we can embrace our humility, recognize our limits as humans, and make spiritual meaning out of the current crisis.
Click here for a free 12-page guide based on Dr. Rosmarin’s new book Thriving with Anxiety: 9 Tools to Make Your Anxiety Work for You. In addition, HarperCollins has donated 25 copies of the e-book, as well as a $5 coupon for those who wish to purchase a physical copy from Amazon (valid for a limited time). To claim this offer, please visit https://book.dhrosmarin.com/aish
Thank you so much and all you said is so very true. Also with what is happening in Israel we have to realize that HaShem was not picking flowers in a garden somewhere, He knew exactly what was going to happen and He allowed it for a good reason.This is a huge wake up call to the fact that no matter how small we are HaShem is our Protector and Defender and our Only Savior in times like these. Also baseless hatred destroyed our 2nd Temple and what was going on in the streets of Tel Aviv when our Religious Jews were trying to pray on our High Holy Day?This is also a wake up call for all those Secular Jews to return to HaShem our G-d. Sometimes we have to lose all we have and all we think protects us to realize only in HaShem is our Strength and Protection. Shalom
Amazing article! Thank you for always posting helpful and insightful articles.
accepting vulnerblity