Mourning Adoptive Parent

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How do the laws of kaddish and mourning apply to an adopted child? My father is unfortunately not doing well. To me he is a father in every way, but I do know that my sister and I are not their biological children. When the time comes, what should we do?

The Aish Rabbi Replies

I’m sorry firstly to hear of your father’s condition. My wishes that he be restored to full health and live out his years fully.

Your question is fairly common today. By the letter of the law, the obligations of sitting shiva and saying kaddish only apply to a person’s biological relatives. Thus, technically, an adopted child need not mourn his parent. And by the same token, he is obligated to mourn his biological parents (if they are Jewish) – although there is no obligation to go out of one’s way to find out who they are.

However, when a person was raised by adoptive parents and looks to them as his true parents, emotionally he requires the same closure as a true child. Thus, adopted children commonly observe many of the mourning practices, as they deem necessary.

Likewise regarding kaddish, if a person has no son to say kaddish for him, another person should be sought to do so – and hired if necessary. Certainly, the adopted son is the most appropriate person to take on this practice, for the merit of his parent’s soul. The Talmud teaches us that one who raises an orphan in his home it is as if he gave birth to him (Megillah 13a). What could be a more appropriate way to repay this than treating his adoptive parents as his true parent both during their lifetimes and after?

(Sources: Shulchan Aruch Y.D. 374:4-6, Shach 5, Yalkut Yosef Y.D. 6:8.)

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