I Think God Forgot About Me

How do you make the fast day of Tisha B’Av, the Ninth of Av, relevant? If you’ve never witnessed the devastation of the Temple in Jerusalem burning, never fled the expulsion edicts of King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella, never experienced the tragedies that befell the Jewish People on this day of mourning, how can you connect to its meaning?

Contemplate the endless journey of the Jewish nation. They have been banished, degraded and thrust into exile.

And at the same time, there is a personal exile for which you mourn. Most painful is the grieving for connection when faced with crushing loneliness and isolation. Disconnection from family and friends. An online life that is a shell of reality. A sense of spiritual remoteness that leaves a taste of bitterness in your mouth.

A young woman called me. It took time for her to get the words out. Her voice cracked as she said, “I think God forgot about me.”

For this we mourn.

Tisha B’Av is a time to contemplate your inner pain.

To live means to love, to lose, to experience heartache. Grief is not the end goal. Instead, use the day to find meaning as you grieve.

Everyone in this world has experienced loss. To live means to love, to lose, to experience heartache. Grief arrives with a heaviness, sadness, and sometimes anger, as well. Grief is not the end goal. Instead, use the day to find meaning as you grieve.

Tisha B’Av provides space to contemplate the loss of place and connection. To understand the root of your loss. And then, to take the day and create some transformation so that when the sun sets you are not the same person as you were when the sun rose that morning.

Each day has its unique sacred task. The self-work of this day is to process your grief and exit with a how-to guide on becoming greater through our pain.

People often ask, why the pain? Why has the Jewish nation experienced the agony of Holocaust, why do little children suffer, why must good people live through heart wrenching moments? This past year I have heard from too many people who have tried to make sense of sudden unexplainable loss, left grappling with unanswered questions. The world feels wounded.

The answers to many of these questions remain out of reach. Moses, himself, asked God this very question but could not see the answer clearly in his lifetime.

It’s not about finding pat answers; it’s about creating more meaning so that you honor the loss that you have experienced.

Meaning comes with simple acts of grace and kindness. You plant seedlings that never would have existed before, if not for your determination to transform the soil of mankind. You water and nurture, creating a garden of connection and understanding.

On Tisha B’Av it is a custom to refrain from greeting others. You don’t say hello when you see one another. How strange. Shouldn’t this be the one day a year to go out of your way to create unity and build relationships?

But on this day of devastation and exile, you are asked to put yourself in someone else’s shoes, to know what it feels like to be ignored, to understand the pain of isolation. Experience the longing for connection, for a smile, a word of encouragement. And then do something about it.

This Tisha B’Av, create something beautiful out of your grief. Give meaning to your mourning. Uplift those around you. Contemplate connection. Think of small acts of kindness so that loss does not remain your end point, but rather the beginning of your journey.