GOOD MORNING! Last week I received an incredible kindness from a close friend – someone I have known for over thirty years. This gift means so much to me, and I am beginning this week’s column by encouraging all of my readers to give others this very same gift. What was the gift?

A couple of years ago I did something that inadvertently hurt someone and it was so painful to him that he cut off all contact with me and let me know that any further communication from me would be unwelcome. I was devastated. For months afterward I had this sick, sinking feeling in my stomach whenever I thought of him and the events that had transpired. Over time the sharpness of the pain lessened somewhat and eventually it settled into a dull ache.

Last week, out of the blue, he called me. I was shocked to see his name on my phone as he had made his wishes very clear to me – both on the phone and in writing. We spoke and he told me that his wife had been urging him to get past this issue and she insisted that he call me to clear the air. We had a meaningful conversation, and it got a little emotional – in a good way. In the end he offered forgiveness and a willingness to move forward and restore our brotherhood. I felt as if a great weight had been removed from my chest.

This kindness on his part restored an emotional equilibrium for me. It also served as great lesson as to the power of forgiveness and how we can change the lives of others with this simple act (please note that I didn’t say “easy” act). I am therefore encouraging everyone reading this column to consider who in your life you can grant this gift to and what steps you could take to make it happen.

In many ways it will be tremendously beneficial to your life as well – I guarantee it. There is also no more appropriate time of year to do this as Yom Kippur is all about forgiveness.

Yom Kippur begins next Sunday evening, September 24th. This upcoming Shabbat, the one that falls between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur is called “Shabbat Shuva – Shabbat of Returning.” The concept of “returning” may seem a little odd; to where are we “returning”?

As mentioned last week, Rosh Hashanah begins the Aseres Yemei Teshuvah – commonly translated as the Ten Day of Repentance. In actuality, the word teshuvah means “return,” but it is often mistranslated as “repentance.” These Ten Days of Returning begin with Rosh Hashanah and end with Yom Kippur – the Day of Atonement, often referred to as the holiest day of the year.

This is a very unique concept and an absolute kindness and gift from the Almighty. Teshuvah actually offers mankind the one thing no one really believes is possible to achieve: The ability to change the past.

Maimonides, the great medieval philosopher and codifier of Jewish law, rules that it is a mitzvah – a positive commandment – to repent. In other words, the Almighty Himself is asking us to return to Him. As we shall soon see, there is a very powerful message here, one that we must try to internalize. Indeed, the very success of accomplishing the essence of Yom Kippur can only be achieved by understanding this concept.

Yom Kippur is the anniversary of the day Moses brought the second set of tablets containing the Ten Commandments down from Mount Sinai (he had shattered the first set after seeing the nation of Israel sinning with the Golden Calf). This second set of tablets signified that the Almighty forgave the Jewish people for the transgression of the Golden Calf. This day was thus decreed to be a day of forgiveness for our mistakes.

However, this refers to transgressions against the Almighty. Transgressions against our fellow man require us to correct our mistakes and seek forgiveness. If one took from another person, it is not enough to experience regret and ask the Almighty for forgiveness; first, one must return what was taken and ask for forgiveness from the person, after which one can then ask the Almighty for forgiveness. God does not forgive a person for sins committed against another person unless the injured party offers forgiveness first.

The actual process of teshuvah is made up of four parts. 1) Regret: We must recognize what we have done wrong and regret it. 2) Cessation: We must stop doing the transgression. 3) Confession and Restitution: We must verbally confess and ask the Almighty to forgive us. We must correct whatever damage we can, including asking forgiveness from those whom we have hurt – and making restitution, if due. 4) Resolution: We must accept upon ourselves not to do it again in the future.

A key component of the liturgy of The Ten Days of Repentance (Returning) and Yom Kippur is known as the Thirteen Divine Attributes of Mercy. The ancient source of this prayer is rather astonishing: The Almighty Himself taught it to Moses for him to teach it to the Jewish people as a way to seek forgiveness.

And the Lord passed by before him, and proclaimed, “Hashem, Hashem, omnipotent, merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abundant in kindness and truth, keeping mercy for thousands, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin […]” (Exodus 34:6-8).

The Talmud (Rosh Hashanah 17b) states, “There is a covenant (between God and His creations) that a prayer that contains the Thirteen Attributes of Mercy will never go completely unanswered.”

Even more remarkably, the very same passage in the Talmud describes the scene that unfolded between God and Moses: “Rabbi Yochanan said ‘had it not been an explicit verse in the Torah it would be impossible to even utter’ – the verse is coming to teach us that the Almighty wrapped Himself in a tallit (prayer shawl) like a shliach tzibbur (a cantor who leads the congregation in prayer) and demonstrated to Moses the order of the prayer. Hashem then told Moses; ‘Any time that the Jewish people sin they should recite this prayer and I will forgive them.’”

Obviously, the Talmud is telling us that it is very difficult to conceive of the Almighty dressing up and giving a demonstration of how to seek forgiveness from Him. Yet that is exactly what happened. So we are left wondering what exactly was the point of God dressing up and acting it out for Moses? Why would Moses be in need of a visual demonstration? What message was God conveying to Moses?

Generally, asking forgiveness from someone is very difficult. It requires an admission of wrongdoing or, at the very least, communicating that the intention wasn’t to harm. But the most daunting part, and usually the reason that people procrastinate asking for forgiveness, is because of the uncertainty of how the injured party is going to react.

Will the injured person yell and scream at me? Or worse, will they try to use my admission of guilt as a way to take advantage of me in some way? The anxiety of these potential consequences usually prevents one from making the effort to mend fences.

Now consider a different scenario: How would you feel if someone would come to you and let you know that the person you injured feels badly because this incident has created a rift in the relationship and that this person really just wants to talk and make up with you? Suddenly it becomes a lot easier to make that phone call.

It is for this very reason that the Almighty took the extraordinary steps in demonstrating the path to forgiveness. The purpose of the “show and tell” demonstration was so that Moses would understand and convey to the Jewish people, that Hashem Himself is leading the path to His forgiveness. In other words, God – who is the injured party – is willing to lead the congregation in prayer because more than anything He wants His children, the Jewish people, to return to Him.

God is communicating to Moses that there should be no barriers to asking for forgiveness because the Almighty Himself wants to fix the relationship. It is for this reason that a proper prayer of forgiveness will always be answered. God is, in essence, telling us that He is always waiting for us to come home to Him and asking us to return.

As a final point on the subject of Yom Kippur, after making a tremendous effort to seek forgiveness from those whom we have injured, make restitution, and seek forgiveness from God, we must then ask ourselves the following question:

“What can I do in the future to improve my relationship with the Almighty and my observance of His commandments? What affirmative steps can I take to build a better connection with the Almighty? How can I become a better person, spouse, parent, or child? What can I do to help my community and mankind?”

Obviously, the answers to these questions are always going to be a work in progress. But that is the true beauty of our lives; the ability to become more and strive for ever greater heights.

Lastly, please mull over my request at the beginning of this column and carefully consider to whom in your life you can grant the gift of forgiveness. By the way, it is entirely possible that the person most deserving of your forgiveness can be found in the mirror.

Wishing my readers all over the world a most meaningful fast and Yom Kippur experience, and a Gmar Chatima Tova – May you be sealed in the Book of Life!

Ha'azinu, Deuteronomy 32:1 - 32:51

The Torah portion is a song, a poem taught to the Jewish people by Moses. It recounts the trials and tribulations of the Jewish people during the 40 years in the desert. Jewish consciousness, until the present generation, was to teach every Jewish child to memorize Ha’azinu. In this manner we internalized the lessons of our history, especially the futility of rebelling against the Almighty.

The portion ends with Moses being told to ascend Mount Nevo to see the Promised Land before he dies and is “gathered to his people.” By the way, this is one of the allusions to an afterlife in the Torah. Moses died alone and no one knows where he is buried. Therefore, “gathered to his people” has a higher meaning!