In this week’s Torah portion, Joseph’s true identity is finally revealed to his brothers. Until then, Joseph’s brothers do not know that the seemingly cruel and unfair Viceroy is none other than their own brother who they sold as a slave decades prior.

Joseph’s words, “I am Joseph” send his brothers for whirlwind; his brothers shrank in shame. This would have been the perfect time for Joseph to tell them, “Look what you did! God thwarted your evil plans and rewarded me for all the travails by making me viceroy!” But Joseph responded in such a way that we can all learn from. Joseph lovingly tells them:

“After which Joseph lovingly told them, “Come close to me, if you please.” He continues, “I am Joseph your brother – it is me, whom you sold into Egypt. And now, be not distressed, nor reproach yourselves for having sold me here, for it was to be a provider that God sent me ahead of you…And now, it was not you who sent me here, but God…”

Imagine Joseph’s story – he acquiesces his father’s request of checking on his brothers, and instead of being met with brotherly love is thrown into a pit and subsequently sold into slavery, and eventually imprisoned for twelve years. Joseph sees his brothers for the first time after the incident and could have very justifiably blame them. Because of you I encountered all this hardship and underwent so much anguish and distress. I didn’t do anything to you!

But Joseph shifts the perspective away from the brothers and straight to God. “It was not you who sent me here, but God.”

What a beautiful perspective. Once one concludes that no one can do anything to you without God’s consent then there is no reason to be angry at that person. Not only does Joseph not try to get even one iota of an apology, not even a small guilt trip, but rather tells them not to distress, that they were nothing more than tools in God’s hands.

Our toddler does not listen to us, our spouse says something insensitive, a friend forgets to invite us to a party, the car in back of us honks for no apparent reason. These are all things that could send someone into a fury of annoyance and anger. However, when we realize that whatever is happening to us is directly from God, and who it comes from is irrelevant, then there is no reason to get upset.

We instead turn to God and ask, “Ok, God. I hear You. The person in back of me is honking, is there some area in my life where I’m moving too slowly?” Our toddler does not listen to us, we can ask ourselves if we listen to others and to God. Instead of making the focus about the other person and how you were treated, we use each experience as a growing opportunity and relieve ourselves of any anger and frustration. When we do this, we can truly see God’s loving hand guiding us exactly to where we need to be, eventually leading us to a beautifully high role, just as God did to Joseph.

Exercise: When we want to blame someone else for something, remember that they are God’s messengers. Tell God that you know it is from Him, and ask God to help you figure out what you can learn from the situation.