Get Rid of Your Bucket List

Arthur Brooks, Harvard professor and author of Building the Life You Want, suggests a powerful strategy to appreciate what you have and to reduce your endless lists of wants. Based on countless studies that he has conducted as a social scientist, Brooks urges you to put aside your bucket lists and create what he calls “reverse bucket lists” instead.

He bases this idea on his life satisfaction formula: satisfaction = what you have/what you want. Most people try to incessantly increase what they have without focusing on their ability to prioritize what really matters and to reduce what they desire. Creating a reverse bucket list means reflecting on what you no longer need or want to hold onto in your life.

The Jewish holiday of Sukkot is an ideal time to think about what you’d like to put on your reverse bucket lists as you step out of your house and step into a temporary dwelling where you can gaze at the stars. When you sit in the sukkah you’re reminded of what is most enduring and important in your life. Your house and possessions are left behind. Stepping outside, you can reflect upon what gives you temporary and short-lived satisfaction and what offers you enduring meaning and joy.

What is in your sukkah? Family and friends that give you a sense of deep connection and belonging. A sense of transcendence as you dwell beneath the stars and realize that there is something far greater than you. A faith and gratitude that allows you to connect to your Creator. And a precious connection to the generations that have come long before you and sat in their own sukkahs around the world.

For my reverse bucket list, here are four things I no longer need to hold onto.

1. The need to be right.

Often your desire to be right in any given situation blocks your ability to find happiness. Pause when you are in the middle of an argument and ask yourself: Is this worth it? Do I really need to be right in this situation? Or can I just let it go regardless of who is right and who is wrong?

2. Wanting to feel special by getting ahead of others.

No one wants to be average. We all want to be admired. But the most successful people never feel satisfied with their achievements because they are afraid that they will become irrelevant if they don’t climb that next rung on the ladder. Stop for a moment and ask yourself what you are living for. What can you give to others through your work? How can you contribute to the world? You may never feel like you are ‘special’ enough but you can find meaning when you focus on your deeper purpose in life.

3. Resisting change.

It is instinctive to want to reduce uncertainty in your life. We all crave stability and routine. But on some level, change is inevitable. You grow older. Your children grow up. Circumstances are constantly changing whether you like it or not. Accept the reality of the temporary nature of things in your life. And ask yourself: what doesn’t change? The love that you have given and received. The faith that you have worked hard to build. The memories that you have that connect you to others. The experiences that have brought awe and gratitude into your life.

4. Complaining.

Complaining doesn’t help you get what you want. But it often prevents you from achieving what you desire by placing yourself in the role of victim. If only I had a better job. Or a more understanding spouse. Or a nicer car or a bigger house. Or more respect or a better degree. When you step back you can see how complaining just gives you a pile of excuses for why you can’t become your best self.

Flip the script by changing the “Why don’t I have more?” to “What can I do with what I have?” Try replacing “How can I get what I want?” into “How can I give others what they need?”

When you sit in the sukkah, take a moment to look up at the stars and reflect on what you no longer need in your life. Do you have any habits that you’d like to let go of? Any distractions that you no longer need?

Create your own reverse bucket list and realize what really matters to you. Sukkot is a chance to step out of your house and create a home within, to let go of what you no longer need so that you will have the space within to fill with what you truly love.