Iran’s Attack on Israel
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Because happiness starts at home.
It’s the Hebrew month of Adar, the happiest month of the Jewish year. Judaism places great value on being happy. This year we’ve been dealt a big blow – all the more reason to consciously work on living with increased happiness.
Happiness starts at home. Here are 7 ways to happier parenting.
Adults often strive for the unattainable goal of being a perfect parent. This is often an underlying unconscious reason for one’s unhappiness. Instead of perfection, aim for being good enough.
Furthermore, God put you and your child together for a good reason. You are the specific parent your child needs. And likewise, your child is the one you need.
Miriam Adahan, in her book Raising Children to Care says, “God has given us these particular children with their particular weaknesses and strengths. Each one is given to us, not only for us to help him with his tikkun (spiritual repair work) but for him to help us with us with ours as well. Each child challenges us in his own special way, and it is in loving them, when we feel the least loving, or they are at their least lovable, that we make the greatest spiritual progress.”
If you let go of your unrealistic expectations and embrace your and your child’s imperfections, you will grow and also become a whole lot happier.
Quite often what you think is misbehavior is not misbehavior. It’s just normal developmental behavior.
A child is not being bad when they color on the walls; they have not yet been taught that coloring is only done on paper. Older children use chutzpah because they are trying to grow their very normal and appropriate need for independence.
Once you know that this is normal behavior, instead of getting angry, you can just move on to disciplining effectively. You can help children clean the wall they just colored on and explain to them that the rule in the house is that we color only on paper.
You can give children and teens the language and the room they need to develop their independence without being disrespectful.
Skipping the anger and moving straight to discipline and teaching results in more happiness.
Children need their parents’ attention; it is critical to their self-esteem and emotional health. It gives children a sense of security and lets them know that they are valued and worthy of your time and focus. The more time you spend with your child, the happier they are.
Sit down at dinner time, be with your child when they are getting dressed in the morning, read them their favorite book at bedtime. Your undivided attention will make a huge difference in the life of you and your child.
Giving children attention, as a matter of course, without them acting out to get it, will lead to a happier home.
The habit of a good sleep routine is the real secret to happiness. Numerous studies have touted the importance of bedtime. A regular bedtime helps brain development. Kids who have consistent bedtimes scored better on cognitive tests in reading, math and spatial relations. Not only that, but early bedtimes can also prevent obesity in children.
Families that have regular bedtimes are calmer and happier. It is easier to run a household when adults and kids are getting the rest they need.
Ironically, kids are happier when parents maintain their authority, limits and rules. This can be unwittingly undermined when parents use questions or uptalk when speaking to their children.
“Please don’t jump on the couch, ok?”
“Do you want to go to bed?”
“Let’s go the bath, alright?”
This gives children the false impression that they are in charge, which leaves them feeling uneasy and insecure.
For your own happiness and sanity, as well as your children’s, your requests need to be firm, resolute and authoritative:
“Couches are for sitting. The jumping needs to stop.”
“It’s bedtime. Time for children to be in bed.”
“It’s bath time. We are heading to the bathroom now.”
Kids arguing is another normal behavior that makes parents really angry. Children often fight back when they don’t want to do their chores, to get what they want and sometimes just because they are bored.
Refuse to engage with your child. The benefits are many. It stops the cycle of any argument. It models respectful discourse and calmness in the face of anger or disrespect.
When your child argues with you, try the following phrases:
“That’s an interesting idea…”
“I never thought of it that way…”
“That is how you see it, that is not how I saw it…”
“I love you too much to argue…”
“Arguing makes me tired. Let’s talk about this later…”
The less you argue the happier you and your family will be.
Living Jewishly brings meaning, purpose and vitality to your existence. Up your Jewish involvement in the home, with joy and positivity. Some people are attracted to the intellectual aspect of Judaism, others on a more emotional level or spiritual level, through song and prayer. There are others who love doing acts of kindness. Find the best way for your family to connect to your Jewish heritage. This will undoubtedly increase your happiness quotient.
I always allowed my children one “appeal” to any non-routine decision. This was mostly to give myself time to make sure with myself that the decision wasn’t “knee-jerk”, but my eldest daughter in particular learned to make very well-reasoned, elegant arguments.
Great!