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Blogowitz #3

August 6, 2009 | by Staff

Yiddish banned in the U.S. Congress?!

Kiss Bupkis Goodbye

According to the New York Daily News, Representative Anthony Weiner has been reprimanded for using Yiddish in Congress. The infraction arose when Wiener was discussing the current health care reform proposals and said "We're not going to take hundreds of billions of dollars a year and give it to insurance companies who give us bupkis." Chairman Henry Waxman pounded his gavel and responded "The gentleman will speak English." Waxman was obviously referring to Weiner's use of the word "billion" which comes from old French and was coined by Jehan Adam in 1475 as by-million. Or perhaps it was Weiner's use of the word "company" which comes from the Old French compagnie. Or maybe, just maybe, he was referring to Weiner's use of the word "bupkis" which comes from the Yiddish word which technically means "goat droppings." It's certainly possible and makes sense in the context of the sentence. After all, why would the U.S. Government pay hundreds of billions of dollars per year to insurance companies in exchange for goat droppings? Doesn't seem like a fair trade to us.

Why would the U.S. pay hundreds of billions per year to insurance companies in exchange for goat droppings?

If you build the Pyramid, they will come

The New York Post is reporting that fees charged by the law firm Baker and Hostetler to oversee the bankruptcy and liquidation of Bernie Madoff's phony investment firm could total $250 million. Victims groups are understandably outraged by the sum which they feel should go to those who were swindled out of their life savings, not a Manhattan law firm that is effectively charging a million dollars per week. Baker and Hostetler spokesman Irving Picard says the victims have nothing to worry about as the firm has come up with an investment vehicle to raise the requisite funds to pay their fees. Investors join on with a $10,000 minimum payment and are guaranteed a 10% return. This return is funded by new investors and their initiation fees. Says Picard, "This investment method – a ‘pyramid' as I like to call it – will leave its mark on the financial industry for years to come."

Cash for Kugel?!

Columnist John Crudele points out that since the Obama administration has found success for their "Cash for Clunkers" program why not bail everyone out? How about a Cash for Comics program to help comedians get their own sit-coms. How about a Cash for Losers program to help revive Las Vegas. Or closer to home how about a Cash for Kugel program to force synagogues to make some new kugel for those Shabbat luncheons as opposed to recycling the same three pieces of kugel that go uneaten each week. Now that's change we can believe in.

The Authentically Israeli Experience

25 Republican congressmen took part in the largest ever Republican mission to the State of Israel. The lawmakers of course met with Israeli politicians such Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and President Shimon Peres, but also wanted to engage in authentically Israeli experiences. As a result, their Israeli hosts had them eat falafel at an establishment with questionable hygiene standards, illegally exchange currency at the "Kent" cigarette stand in Jerusalem, and go to the bank to cash travelers checks for the approximately 15 minutes the bank is open each day. 10 of the Congressmen were able to cash their checks before the bank closed. For the duration of the trip, the other 15 were forced to ask strangers on the bus for spare change if they wanted to buy a popsicle.

These Muslims are Angry

A terror plot to bomb an army base in Australia has just been uncovered. The terrorists are connected with the extremist Somali Muslim group al-Shabaab which has close links to al-Qaida. Can we speak the truth and say that this is the official turning point for Muslim terrorism – that they've gone from being ideologically motivated to being just plain angry? Seriously, what could they possibly have against the Australians? Are they are too friendly? Too tanned? Are their accents too darn cute? Maybe all these al-Shabaab terrorists need is a little anger management therapy. Think about it – instead of trying to defeat terrorist in the "War on Terror," we could offer al-Qaida members shiatsu massages and acupuncture accompanied by some aromatherapy. The Israelis could even provide some Dead Sea mud masks for Bin Laden and his friends. Maybe all we need is a little cross cultural coddling. Then again...maybe not.


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