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3 Ways to Become a More Attractive Spouse

June 27, 2018 | by Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin, MS, LCPC

Listen, laugh and love.

While we all have physical flaws and it is important to take care of ourselves, there are also other initiatives you can take to reawaken your relationship and make you more endearing to your spouse.

1. Just listen. Believe it or not, listening to your spouse can actually make you a more attractive partner. When you first fell in love you may have felt like your spouse really got you, that he/she was really paying attention and cared about what you had to say. More often than not, those sentiments fade away after that initial stage and it is quite likely that neither of you has the time or makes the effort to really listen to each other. You may be too busy offering advice, reacting, or invalidating.

Instead, remain silent. Really focus on your partner's words, his/her feelings, and let him/her know that you really are listening and care. Just listening can make your spouse fall in love with you again, rediscovering the partner that he/she originally fell in love with.

2. Laugh together. A sense of humor can go a long way, especially with all of life's craziness. Balancing work, family, and everything else can be overwhelming. If you don't know how to manage it effectively, it can suck all the joy out of you. Laughing together and keeping things light helps you and your spouse get unstuck from all the seriousness and re-experience the joy that used to be the norm. Joy is a short cut to connection, even in the midst of the most difficult times. We see this in our everyday family interactions. Sometimes, if my kids are being fussy or are throwing a tantrum, instead of dealing with the negative, I do something silly or try to make them laugh. This immediately shifts the mood and allows us to reconnect and makes my wife fall in love with me all over again.

3. Express love. Loving your spouse in his/her love language is another way to become a more attractive spouse. A supermom, overwhelmed with her daily to do list and not getting the support she needed, broke down in tears over her utter exhaustion. Her husband got the point and took the initiative to do some acts of service such as laundry, dinner, and dishes. These small acts turned him into her knight of shining armor. The way she gave and received love was through taking action. While her husband was not inclined to express his love that way, he made the stretch to meet his wife's needs and lifted a heavy emotional burden off of her shoulders, making her feel loved, and allowing him to be a more appealing spouse.

Learn what your spouse needs to feel loved, whether it is words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, gifts, or physical touch and make it a point to do it. He/she will feel like a million bucks.

Healthy eating, exercise and dressing for success are all important things. And by learning to listen, laugh, and love in your partner's love language, your efforts will have an even more lasting and deeper impact.

To get a copy of Rabbi Slatkin's New 60 Second Plan to a Happy and Healthy Marriage, click here:

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