The Synagogue Was Attacked and Our Children Were Watching
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And why I now kind of love it.
When I was a kid, I dreaded Yom Kippur.
What’s to love about a holiday that basically says: “Welcome! There will be no food, no drinks, and no talking back. Please enjoy your existential guilt.”
My childhood memories of it are pretty bleak: being dressed in uncomfortable shoes, sitting in a synagogue that smelled like old carpet and tuna fish sandwiches (ironic, since no one was supposed to be eating), and counting the pages until the fast was over. Then there was that haunting Kol Nidrei melody that made it feel like we were attending our own funerals.
I didn’t know what teshuva, repentance, was. I just knew that once a year we showed up, wore white, and felt bad.
Fast forward to adulthood. I don’t go to synagogue every week and I’m still not great with Hebrew. But something strange has happened: I’ve started to… look forward to Yom Kippur.
Not because I suddenly enjoy being hungry and caffeine-deprived, but because I finally started to understand what the day is really about.
It’s not about guilt. It’s about grace.
Let me explain.
In the lead-up to Yom Kippur last year, I heard a rabbi say something that changed my perspective about the day. He said, “Teshuva doesn’t mean becoming someone else. It means returning to who you really are.”
That line really hit me.
So much of life is about performance—proving ourselves, editing ourselves, presenting the best version of ourselves online. But Yom Kippur is the one day where we drop all that. We come before God with no filters, no food, no fluff, and say: “Here I am. Flawed. But trying.”
And Judaism, in its infinite wisdom, says: “Good. That’s exactly how you’re supposed to show up.”
The older I get, the more I appreciate that kind of spiritual honesty. I don’t have to pretend I’ve been perfect. I don’t have to “earn” my Jewishness. I just have to be real—and willing to grow. To confront my shortcomings and try to do better.
Yom Kippur isn’t the day God evaluates us like some divine accountant. It’s the day He says: “Come home. I’ve been waiting for you.”
There’s a story in the Talmud (Yoma 86b) that says someone who returns through love, not just fear, can actually transform their past mistakes into merits.
That means when we mess up and grow from it, our worst moments can become fuel for good. Who else offers a system like that?
Judaism isn’t a religion of punishment. It’s a religion of transformation.
I still get hungry on Yom Kippur. I still occasionally count the pages. But I no longer dread it.
Now I see it as an emotional reset. A day of clarity. A day to zoom out from my to-do list and ask bigger questions:
And maybe most importantly:
Because God already has.
Yom Kippur doesn’t erase who we are. It reveals who we’ve always been underneath the noise.
And if it takes is one day of hunger and reflection to come back to myself… I’ll take it.
Even if it still smells like tuna fish.
"Yom Kippur isn’t the day God evaluates us like some divine accountant. It’s the day He says: “Come home. I’ve been waiting for you.”
I do not believe this statement is true . We pray to be forgiven from our sins, G-D makes His decisions and then the book is closed.
I loved this article. Thanks.
Wonderful article. Great thoughts. Great attitude. As a kid, I thought that enduring religious stuff was a punishment system. Fast forward; (this is not the place for it, but) I found I needed God’s help, (to ask for help) David’s prayers are often prayers for help. Anyone in the Bible that did something great, did it with God’s help. That is what the wilderness school of faith was supposed to be about; looking to God in every situation in crisis and also to help perform the endless sacrifice for sin rituals and ceremonies that point to Christ. In the end, all our pain and struggles are to direct our attention to God’s help, depending on what He’s already done to make provision for forgiveness, life and strength, or to what He will do in the present stress problem, whatever it is.
Your article has left me with a big smile on my face.
I love how you think and express yourself realizing that spiritually there is this reset of our thoughts, attitudes and behaviors as we reflect deeply on our lives.
Thank you truly for having engaged my mind, heart and soul that I appreciate immensely and can absolutely resonate with your uniquely chosen words that have left me feeling incredibly content and at peace.
Well written and to the point! I see it as permission to be myself as opposed to punishment for not being perfect…
Thank you for writing a relatable piece, with finesse!
Great read! It is everything I know and truly feel on this holy Yom Kippur. Mr Brennan, thank you for your eloquent, articulate and expressive article. Have an easy fast.
GREAT!
Glad I read this, thank you.