The Best Way to Teach Your Kids About Repentance

As a parent, you spend time thinking about the values you want to pass on to your children. You remind them to be kind, encourage them to apologize when they've hurt someone, and try to teach them responsibility, gratitude, and compassion.

As Rosh Hashanah approaches, how do you help your children understand the meaning of teshuvah, repentance?

Children learn by watching how you live.

They notice whether you thank the cashier at the grocery store. They notice how you speak to your spouse after a stressful day. They notice whether you apologize after losing your patience or quietly blame someone else when things go wrong. Long before they fully understand the meaning of teshuvah, they are watching you practice it.

At its heart, teshuvah is about becoming the person God knows you can be. It is the opportunity to pause, reflect honestly, appreciate how far you’ve come, and decide where you would like to grow next. That kind of growth doesn't happen through one inspiring conversation every September. It happens little by little, through thoughtful reflection and small, meaningful changes that you make throughout your life.

Instead of focusing on everything you’ve done wrong, ask yourself a few simple questions:

What accomplishments am I most proud of this year?
What mistakes taught me something important?
What would I like to do a little differently in the coming year?

Those questions give you hope. They remind you that personal growth begins with one honest observation and one realistic goal.

The effective way to teach your children about teshuva is to share with them the process you’re going through so they can see it in action. Start talking about your own reflections.

Sometimes it sounds like this:

"I've been thinking about this past year, and I realized I often rushed everyone out the door in the morning. I don't like how stressed I felt, and I know I wasn't always as patient as I wanted to be."

Other times I shared something I felt good about.

"One thing I'm proud of this year is that I made more time to visit our neighbor. I want to keep doing that because spending time with friends is important to me."

Or I talked about a small goal I wanted to work on.

"I've decided that this year I'm going to put my phone away during dinner. I realized I've been too distracted, and I want to be more present with all of you."

These conversations don’t point out what they should improve; I'm simply sharing what I'm working on. That small shift changes the tone of the conversation.

Teaching doesn’t necessarily mean correcting.

"You need to stop arguing with your sister."
"You should really be more responsible."
"This year you need to work harder."

Sometimes those conversations are necessary. Setting expectations and correcting behavior are important parts of parenting. But when every discussion about growth feels like criticism, children naturally become defensive. Instead of thinking about how they can improve, they're often thinking about how unfair we are or why someone else was really at fault.

Talking about yourself creates a different atmosphere.

Instead of saying, "You need to be more patient," you might say, "I've been working on being more patient. When I feel myself getting frustrated, I'm trying to take a deep breath before I respond."

Instead of saying, "You never help around the house," you might share, "I've realized I feel much less overwhelmed when I spend ten minutes cleaning up every evening instead of leaving everything until the next day. That's something I'm trying to get better at."

You’re showing your children what personal growth looks like, and most importantly, you’re showing them that adults are still growing too.

Children benefit seeing that growing as a person is a lifelong process. We all have strengths. We all make mistakes. And we all have opportunities to become a little better than we were yesterday.

When self-reflection becomes a normal part of family life, children often begin reflecting on their own because they've learned that this is simply what people do.

These moments are especially meaningful because the motivation comes from within.

The most powerful lesson you can teach comes from allowing your children to see you reflecting honestly, taking responsibility for your mistakes, appreciating your accomplishments, and making realistic plans for the coming year.