Why Are So Many Christmas Songs Written by Jews?
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Learn how to strengthen your marriage, feel more connected to your spouse, and bring more warmth and appreciation into your daily life with five simple practices.
Do you feel grateful for your spouse every day? Or do you sometimes, like most people, get so caught up in the stress and busyness of daily life that you don’t notice all the blessings your spouse brings into your life?
Feeling appreciation consistently is a skill that can be developed through proactive, intentional strategies. Here are five ways to feel more grateful for your spouse.
If you’ve been married for a while, you may notice your spouse’s annoying habits more easily than the qualities you appreciate. But every trait that seems like a weakness can also be seen as a strength.
For example, a spouse who doesn’t like to spend money can be viewed as cheap—or as cautious and responsible. Reframe your spouse’s habits in a way that acknowledges the benefits they bring to your life. A messy spouse is often also laid back and easygoing. A spouse who worries a lot is often conscientious and responsible.
Shift how you see your spouse’s weaknesses and focus on the good their traits bring into your life.
You may often feel as though you’re rushing through your day while your spouse is focused on their own to-do list. At times, it can feel like you are living parallel lives, even though you’re building a life together.
One way to keep the bigger picture in mind is to notice the small, everyday things your spouse does for you: pouring you a cup of coffee, filling up the gas tank, paying the bills, making dinner. The list can go on and on. Try to acknowledge at least one or two things each day that your spouse does that you are grateful for.
Don’t assume your spouse knows how much you appreciate them. Express your gratitude frequently and in detail. Don’t just say thank you when your spouse makes a meal—acknowledge the time, effort, and planning that went into it. And don’t just thank your spouse for buying flowers; appreciate the thoughtfulness, as well as the color or type of flowers they chose.
The more you express appreciation, the more appreciation you will feel. And the more appreciated your spouse feels, the more likely they are to express gratitude for you as well.
If you’re going through a stressful period in your marriage and find it hard to feel grateful, reflect on what drew you to your spouse in the first place. Were you attracted to their loyalty and sense of humor? Their enthusiasm and creativity? Those traits are still there, even if they are harder to notice during challenging times.
Remember why you married your spouse and focus on how those qualities continue to bring gifts into your life. Imagine how different your life would be without your spouse and reflect on how fortunate you are that they are still part of it. Revisit the memories of when you first met and allow that sense of magic to return.
Many days are so hectic that you may go to sleep focused on tomorrow’s responsibilities and demands. Instead, take a moment to reflect on one thing your spouse did that day that you appreciated. You can share this gratitude with your spouse, but the key is to end your day with a positive thought about them.
It can be something small, like taking out the garbage, or something big, like helping you through a challenging situation at work. What you think about before falling asleep influences how you feel when you wake up, so ending the day with gratitude helps bookend your days with appreciation for your spouse.
When life gets busy, it is often the closest person to us whom we forget to thank. Jewish wisdom reminds us that gratitude is not just a feeling, but a daily practice. Build the habit of noticing, every day, the goodness your spouse brings into your life. The more grateful you feel, the happier your marriage will become.
