Five Traits to Look for in a Spouse

Who you decide to marry affects far more than the quality of your romantic life. Your marriage influences your work, your health, and your connections with others. Choosing the right traits in a spouse has lifelong implications for your happiness and success. Here are five top qualities to look for in a partner.

1. They have a growth mindset.

A good partner has the flexibility to adapt to new circumstances and situations. Look for someone who isn’t afraid to make mistakes and is willing to change their mind when they learn new things. A strong partner believes in their ability to develop new skills when necessary. A growth mindset also means being learning-oriented and open to different solutions when faced with challenges.

This mindset makes someone more likely to address conflicts as they arise and work with you to manage them in healthy, constructive ways.

2. They have healthy boundaries.

Even though you will ultimately merge much of your life with your partner’s, it is important that your future spouse maintains their own interests and independent pursuits. Look for someone who has healthy boundaries and expects you to have your own as well. A strong connection gives each partner the freedom to spend time and energy alone without threatening the relationship.

Seek someone who takes responsibility for their own growth and doesn’t push against your need for independence.

3. They are supportive.

A crucial trait in a spouse is the ability to support you through both successes and challenges. Look for someone who encourages you when you’re struggling and celebrates with you when you reach your goals. A supportive spouse is typically a good listener and genuinely cares about what’s on your mind. Someone who is encouraging often has an overall positive outlook and helps you see possibilities when you feel stuck.

4. They share similar goals.

You don’t need someone with the exact same life vision, but you should look for a partner whose primary goals are in sync with yours. If you have a strong sense of where you want to live or the size of the family you hope to build, make sure your partner is aligned with that plan.

While your beliefs and values don’t have to match perfectly, they should be close enough for you to build a shared vision together. It’s also essential to look for the moral traits you want in a spouse: Do they live according to their values? Do they stand behind their commitments? Seek someone whose goals and values harmonize with your own.

5. They inspire you to be the best version of yourself.

Every relationship has moments when each partner struggles, but you should look for someone who not only sees your goodness but also inspires you to grow. You often know instinctively when someone helps you recognize your potential and motivates you to become better. Look for a spouse who wants the best for you and wants you to be at your best. In successful marriages, partners help each other go beyond the limits they had as individuals and create a relationship where they continually inspire one another.

There is a Jewish proverb that teaches, “Only love gives us the taste of eternity.” The traits you seek in a spouse will not only shape your relationship today but will transform your future, forever. Reflect on what is most important to you as you date, and consider what other traits you believe are essential for a partner to have.