The Meaning of Jewish Wedding Traditions

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Learn about Jewish wedding traditions that commonly take place at Jewish weddings such as breaking a glass, a chuppah, ketubah, and more.

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Join us as we delve into the captivating world of Jewish weddings. Beyond the iconic glass-stomping moment, discover the multitude of meaningful traditions that make these ceremonies unique.

1. Fasting on the Wedding Day

The dawning wedding day heralds the happiest and holiest day of one's life. This day is considered a personal Yom Kippur for the groom and bride, for on this day all their past mistakes are forgiven as they merge into a new, complete soul.

As on Yom Kippur, both the groom and bride fast (in this case, from dawn until after the completion of the marriage ceremony). And at the ceremony, the groom wears a kittel, the traditional white robe worn on Yom Kippur.

[Sefardim do not have the custom to fast and wear a kittel.]

2. Kabbalat Panim: A Week of Seperation

It is customary for the groom and bride not to see each other for one week preceding the wedding. This increases the anticipation and excitement of the event. Therefore, prior to the wedding ceremony, the groom and bride greet guests separately. Greeting the guests is called "Kabbalat Panim."

Jewish tradition likens the couple to a queen and king. The bride will be seated on a "throne" to receive her guests, while the groom is surrounded by guests who sing and toast him.

At this time there is an Ashkenazi tradition for the mother of the bride and the mother of the groom to stand together and break a plate. The reason is to show the seriousness of the commitment ― just as a plate can never be fully repaired, so too a broken relationship can never be fully repaired.

3. The Bedeken Ceremony

The "Bedeken" ceremony is an emotional reunion after a week of separation. The groom covers the bride's face with a veil, signifying the first time they've seen each other in seven days. The veil symbolizes the idea of modesty and conveys the lesson that however attractive physical appearances may be, the soul and character are paramount. It is reminiscent of Rebecca covering her face before marrying Isaac (Genesis ch. 24).

The Ashkenazi custom is that the groom, accompanied by family and friends, proceeds to where the bride is seated and places the veil over her face. This signals the groom's commitment to clothe and protect his wife.

4. The Chuppah

The wedding ceremony takes place under the chuppah (canopy), a symbol of the home that the new couple will build together. It is open on all sides, just as Abraham and Sarah had their tent open on all sides to welcome people in unconditional hospitality.

The Ashkenazi custom is to have the chuppah ceremony outside under the stars, as a sign of the blessing given by God to the patriarch Abraham, that his children shall be "as the stars of the heavens" (Genesis 15:5). Sefardim generally have the chuppah indoors.

The Ashkenazi custom is that the groom and bride wear no jewelry under the chuppah (marriage canopy). Their mutual commitment is based on who they are as people, not on any material possessions.

The bride follows the groom, and both are usually escorted to the chuppah by their respective sets of parents.

Under the chuppah, the Ashkenazi custom is that the bride circles the groom seven times. Just as the world was built in seven days, the bride is figuratively building the walls of the couple's new world together. The number seven also symbolizes the wholeness and completeness that they cannot attain separately.

The bride then settles at the groom’s right-hand side.

[At this point, the Sefardic custom is that the groom says the blessing She'hecheyanu over a new tallit, and has in mind that the blessing also goes on the marriage. The tallit is then held by four young men over the head of the groom and bride.]

5. The Bride's Seven Circles

In many Jewish communities, the bride circles the groom seven times, symbolizing the commitment to building a new world together. This ritual reflects the seven days of creation in the Torah.

Like and comment to share your thoughts on these traditions!

6. The Jewish Wedding Ring

In Jewish law, a marriage becomes official when the groom gives an object of value to the bride. This is traditionally done with a ring. The ring should be made of plain gold, without blemishes or ornamentation (e.g. stones) ― just as it is hoped that the marriage will be one of simple beauty.

The groom now takes the wedding ring in his hand, and in clear view of two witnesses, declares to the bride, "Behold, you are betrothed unto me with this ring, according to the law of Moses and Israel." He then places the ring on the forefinger of the bride's right hand. According to Jewish law, this is the central moment of the wedding ceremony, and at this point the couple is fully married.

If the bride also wants to give a ring to the groom, this is only done afterwards, not under the chuppah. This is to prevent confusion as to what constitutes the actual marriage, as prescribed by the Torah.

7. The Ketubah (Marriage Contract)

Now comes the reading of the ketubah (marriage contract) in the original Aramaic text. The ketubah outlines the groom’s various responsibilities ― to provide his wife with food, shelter and clothing, and to be attentive to her emotional needs. Protecting the rights of a Jewish wife is so important that the marriage may not be solemnized until the contract has been completed.

The document is signed by two witnesses, and has the standing of a legally binding agreement. The ketubah is the property of the bride and she must have access to it throughout their marriage. It is often written amidst beautiful artwork, to be framed and displayed in the home.

The reading of the ketubah acts as a break between the first part of the ceremony ― Kiddushin ("betrothal"), and the latter part ― Nissuin ("marriage").

8. Seven Blessings Over Wine

The Seven Blessings (Sheva Brachot) are now recited over the second cup of wine. The theme of these blessings links the groom and bride to our faith in God as Creator of the world, Bestower of joy and love, and the ultimate Redeemer of our people.

These blessings are recited by the rabbi or other people that the families wish to honor.

At the conclusion of the seven blessings, the groom and bride again drink some of the wine.

9. Jewish Wedding Breaking Glass

A glass is now placed on the floor, and the groom shatters it with his foot. This serves as an expression of sadness at the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem, and identifies the couple with the spiritual and national destiny of the Jewish people. A Jew, even at the moment of greatest rejoicing, is mindful of the Psalmist's injunction to "set Jerusalem above my highest joy."

In jest, some explain that this is the last time the groom gets to "put his foot down."

(In Israel, the Ashkenazi custom is that the glass is broken earlier, prior to the reading of the ketubah. Sefardim always break the glass at the end of the ceremony, even in Israel.)

This marks the conclusion of the ceremony. With shouts of "Mazel Tov," the groom and bride are then given an enthusiastic reception from the guests as they leave the chuppah together.

10. The Yichud Ceremony

After the public ceremony, the couple retreats to a private room for the "Yichud" ceremony, emphasizing their relationship as the highest priority. These moments of seclusion signify their new status of living together as husband and wife.

Since the couple has been fasting since the morning, at this point they will also have something to eat.

[Sefardim do not have the custom of the yichud room; the groom and bride immediately proceed to the wedding hall after the chuppah ceremony.]

11. Jewish Wedding Dance & Meal

It is a mitzvah for guests to bring simcha (joy) to the groom and the bride on their wedding day. There is much music and dancing as the guests celebrate with the new couple; some guests entertain with feats of juggling and acrobatics.

After the meal, Birkat Hamazon (Grace After Meals) is recited, and the Sheva Brachot are repeated.

During the week following the wedding, it is customary for friends and relatives to host festive meals in honor of the groom and bride. This is called the week of Sheva Brachot, in reference to the blessings said at the conclusion of each of these festive meals.

If both the bride and groom are marrying for the second time, sheva brachot are recited only on the night of the wedding. The last blessing, Asher Bara, can be recited for three days.

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Cheryl
Cheryl
27 days ago

Always great information for a “New Jew”!

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