There's No Such Thing as a Bad Jew

Melinda Strauss is one of the original voices of Jewish TikTok, the person millions of strangers turn to when they want to know what Shabbat is, or why she shuts her phone off for 25 hours a week.

When we sat down to talk, she shared the four words people constantly tell her, triggering an important conversation:

"I'm a bad Jew."

Melinda said people say it to her all the time. They walk up to her, a little sheepish, and confess it like a sin. I don't keep kosher the right way. I don't cover my hair. I haven't been to synagogue in years. I'm a bad Jew. I hear it too. Something about being an influencer makes people want to hand you their guilt.

My answer is always the same: I'm not a priest and this isn't confession.

I say it as a joke but I mean it, because there is no such thing as a bad Jew.

Think about what that phrase actually assumes. That there's a scoreboard. That somewhere there's a line, and on one side are the good Jews doing it all correctly, and on the other side are the rest of us, falling short. But who is living up to all of it? Nobody.

There are more than 613 commandments, and not one of us is doing every single thing perfectly. If imperfect observance makes you a bad Jew, then the category includes every Jew who has ever lived. Which means it's not a real category at all.

The "bad Jew" mindset is a trap. When you decide you're failing, the instinct is to opt out. Why light the candles if I'm just going to check my phone an hour later? Why start if I can't do it all? That thinking keeps people standing outside a room that was always theirs to walk into.

Don't overhaul your life; just pick one thing.

The way out is simple, and it's something Melinda and I kept coming back to. Don't overhaul your life; just pick one thing.

One thing.

Maybe it's lighting candles for Shabbat on Friday night, bringing a little light into the world, and letting that be the main practice for a while. Maybe it’s learning Torah for 10 minutes a day. Maybe it's the one I keep coming back to: reciting Modeh Ani, the first words traditionally said upon waking. Thank You, God, for returning my soul to me. For giving me another day.

Melinda told me she used to write down ten things she was grateful for every morning before she got out of bed, never the big things, the little ones. A hot cup of coffee, clean water, a delicious pair of sweatpants. Then one day she caught herself: she was doing this whole gratitude ritual in English and skipping the ancient Jewish prayer that says the exact same thing in a single breath. So the short Modeh Ani prayer became her one thing.

Eventually she added the Shema, the prayer declaring God's oneness. Little by little. That's how it works. You start with one, and the one has a way of becoming more, not because anyone made you, but because you wanted to.

There's a bigger idea underneath all of this. Modeh Ani isn't only a thank you. It's a statement of purpose. If you woke up this morning, if your soul was returned to you for another day, then there is something only you are here to do. Not something someone else can cover. You.

Melinda said something remarkable in our conversation. As one of the most recognizable Jewish voices online, she's constantly asked some version of what could I possibly add? Someone's already doing it better. And her answer is: are you me? Did you grow up in my house, with my story, my voice? No. So whatever you bring to the table is, by definition, something new. God made you unlike anyone who has ever lived, which means the corner of the world that's yours to light is yours alone. If you opt out because you're "not enough," that corner just stays dark.

You don't have to be doing everything to be doing something real. You just have to be growing. And you're allowed to start today, with one thing.

So here's my question for you: what's your one thing going to be?