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Growing up with a Christmas tree made me wish that I wasn't Jewish.
What's so bad about a Jewish family having a Christmas tree? It's beautiful, it smells good, and it's not religious. So what could be the harm?
Here's my story.
My father was Catholic and my mom was Jewish, so they compromised – we had both a Hanukah menorah and a Christmas tree. It was 7-feet tall, with tinsel, glowing lights, pine smell and presents underneath. It was beautiful, happy, and – best of all – made us fit in with everyone else in suburban America.
And the menorah? It was 8 inches high with wax candles that melt all over everything. There's truly no competition. The Christmas tree won every time.
Year after year, my family defended the Christmas tree. "It's not a religious thing," my family insisted. "It's just an excuse for us to get together!"
But it wasn't. The Christmas tree was a powerful, positive emotional experience. In the end, the annual celebration we held around that tree had a far greater lasting impact on me and my family than almost anything else we shared together.
That tree made me wish that I wasn't Jewish at all and that I was just like everyone else.
Don't underestimate its impact. Once a child has a Christmas tree, she'll want it next year, and the year after that. And when she gets engaged (to a Jew or not), she will want that fiancée to come to the family's "not religious" Christmas gathering. After all, who wouldn't want to share something so happy and beautiful? Later, she will want to bring her baby and then her child to experience that happy, beautiful gathering.
But then one day, years down the road, she'll sadly wonder why her child, and she, don't connect with being Jewish. It's much easier for a kid to relate to the pageantry of Christmas and the thrill of a wonderful and magical Santa than the philosophical depth of Hanukkah.
We are charged with the incredibly important task of raising children and of giving them a Jewish identity and values, not a mixed-up identity.
That's what almost happened with me. But thankfully my then-fiancée, who happened to be Jewish, broke the chain. He saw the writing on the wall: the conflict, the confusion our children would experience, the assimilation and potential intermarriage we rightly would one day blame ourselves for. He said it's not right for us to celebrate anything with a tree.
That was so difficult for me. The holiday had been permanently imprinted upon me. It is now more than 20 years since my last family Christmas gala and I still have emotional associations so strongly formed as a child.
As Jewish parents, we are charged with the incredibly important task of raising children and of giving them a Jewish identity and values, not a mixed-up identity. We want them to have positive associations with being who they are – Jewish children. We don't want them confused or longing to enjoy a different religion.
Ironically, Hanukkah is all about not assimilating into another culture. Having a Christmas tree does just that. It's no coincidence that Christmas and Hanukkah often overlap. That fight to not assimilate is still going on today. Every year we have a choice: do we celebrate being Jewish, or do we celebrate moving away from our Judaism?
It pains me terribly to see my sister, the daughter of a Holocaust survivor, having huge celebrations with a tree at the center of it all.
Having a tree isn't "harmless." Today, it pains me terribly to see my sister, the daughter of a Holocaust survivor, having huge celebrations with a tree at the center of it all.
Even more, it pains me that her daughter, now intermarried, feels closer to Christmas than to all the Jewish holidays combined.
And it all started with a tree.
The author is using a pseudonym.
The decorating of the tree is a pagan custom, mentioned in Jeremiah 10:3-5.
This just another pagan custom that was adopted into the Christian rituals, such as easter eggs, bunny rabbits, and Sunday instead of Shabbat.
Shema Israel.
Shalom
This article is very good and the author really makes the point of why Jews should avoid Christmas or any goyish holiday for that matter even if it's done in a secular manner. Many years ago I was scolded for not celebrating Christmas as it was an "American" holiday and had nothing to do with religion.
It is hard to consistently choose reality over fantasy; but, all the more reason to try.
Think of it as walking a straight path, and people keep jumping in front of you to detain, or divert you.
Or, think of using an app, and you see clearly the path to go, but then you have popup after popup to distract, and make you forget your goal.
This is life, and the obstacle course set up to delay, and derail you.
You must consciously remind yourself, and renew your priorities and focus daily.
Although we were Jewish, my mother had me "hang stockings with care" around the Xmas time of the year. She would have had an Xmas tree in the living room to keep up with her goyish friends. My father would not allow that. Her extent of being Jewish was an affinity for bagels. When I later became a BT, she tried to sabotage my kosher food and contaminate it with treif. She was also ranting about me being religious. When my father was terminally ill, I had to stay with Orthodox friends rather than my mother's house. My dear brother threatened to "break my arms" for refusing to stay in my mother's house while my father was in the hospital dying. An Xmas tree has no place in a Jewish home.
Please check out the origin of celebrating with this tree. It is both pagan and part of Xtianity.
Highly plausible. But both would be equally problematic, as far as I can see.
I would think that it's perfectly ok to celebrate Tu B'Shvat with a tree or even better with planting a tree in Israel 😉
Tu B'Shvat occurs at a different time of year from Christmas. It also commemorates something completely different.
Of course there is always God's perspective as well: Jeremiah 10:1-4
This article hits the nail on the head!
Sorry, but I completely disagree. As part of the Russia tradition, we have a tree for New Year and we celebrate New Year with it and our family. Not even a tiny bit does this take away from our Jewish identity! No tree in this world can make us feel or be less Jewish. identity is something we carry within and it's not hanging on a tree.
The Russian tradition is just an adaptation of the Christian tradition. Since the Soviets tried to do away with all religion, the New Years tree was a way to somehow continue this Christian tradition.
Initially that may have been the case but that is not what it represents for modern people. The New Year thing is a reality for majority of former-Soviet Jews. And that is a large number of people to just dismiss.
Fully agree on the New Year tradition. Nothing to do with religion.
Writing on the Wall is an idiom we get from the Book of Danial Chapter 5.
Excellent Jewish source!
Absolutely true—my parents took to see the Nutcracker in NYC; the tree grew on the stage. All I wanted to be was Clara. My mother realized too late the damage and raged at me—5 years old—that I was betraying Judaism. Very unhelpful. We do not have a close relationship.
Keep your children away from those trees.
Am Yisrael Chai!
I completely understand why the author used a pseudonym, and I would have done the same thing in her shoes. One of my siblings used to pit up a tree, although I don't know if she did it this year. Re: Seeing The Nutcracker. I also saw it when I was young, however I give my parents credit for telling me that Christmas was not our holiday. I give my 2 grandmothers OBM a great deal of credit for instilling me with the beliefs I have today. I grew up in a very non religious family but I dont' have to stay that way!