Raise a Glass to Freedom
6 min read
Resilience and overachievement can lead to outward success, but it may not necessarily lead to inner peace or healing from trauma.
Have you ever noticed how some Jews with traumatic pasts seem to compartmentalize their memories and continue moving forward? It's as though there isn't a moment to waste; they must perpetually strive for love, success, and resilience, even amidst the darkness that may have claimed the lives of their loved ones.
While resilience is admirable, I often wonder if these individuals within my Jewish family, social circle, and patient group take the time to heal from their pain. As a family therapist, I've observed how trauma affects individuals differently. In families plagued by trauma, there often appears to be one 'miracle' child who seems to have everything under control and achieves great things. If we see the world as one big family, the Jewish people are the 'miracle' child. The child that, despite their immense struggles, manages to be a successful and meaningful contributor to society. However, when learning about human behavior, it's essential to recognize that overachievement or avoidance of our negative emotions can also be a response to trauma.
Overachievement, in many instances, can often be an unconscious mechanism for coping with trauma. These individuals may pour themselves into tasks, achievements, or responsibilities as a distraction from confronting their painful past or underlying emotional distress. The continual pursuit of success becomes a means for them to suppress their trauma, making their accomplishments a shield that guards them against their vulnerabilities. While overachievement can lead to outward success, it may not necessarily lead to inner peace or healing from trauma.
Moving forward in life and not wallowing in your pain certainly has its benefits, but it is also important to make sure that the pain has been dealt with and processed.
Navigating trauma requires more than just pushing past the pain. It involves learning from our ancestors' coping mechanisms while acknowledging the need for healing and growth in the present day. So, although moving forward in life and not wallowing in your pain certainly has its benefits, it is also important to make sure that the pain has been dealt with and processed, because unprocessed trauma can manifest in various detrimental ways.
It can lead to chronic health issues and mental disorders and can significantly interfere with one's daily life and relationships. By addressing and processing the trauma, individuals can begin to heal and gain control over their lives again rather than being subjugated by their past.
Emerging research in epigenetics provides insight into how trauma can be passed down through generations. A landmark study on Holocaust survivors' grandchildren revealed that the horrors experienced by the survivors had a genetic impact on their descendants. These grandchildren showed a high predisposition to stress disorders, implying that the trauma of their grandparents had been, in a sense, 'inherited.' This study is a testament to how profoundly unprocessed trauma can affect not just the individual but also successive generations. It underscores the importance of healing and breaking the cycle of transmitted trauma for our sake and for the well-being of future generations.
I don't want to paint the successes of the Jewish people in a negative light or claim that their trauma shapes all of their success as a community. The focus on education and family in Jewish communities worldwide contributes substantially to their resilience. Their history of facing adversity with unwavering spirit provides us with valuable lessons. Their fundamental and most useful coping mechanisms are:
Family ties in Jewish culture are deeply rooted and serve as a source of strength. The love, acceptance, and support family members provide to one another often act as a protective cushion against life's hardships. Their communities are close-knit, and their collective support to individuals going through difficult times is remarkable. Solid relationships and bonds are incredibly healing, and the fact that our sense of family is not exclusive to blood relatives but to others in the Jewish community helps.
Their belief in God proves to be a source of hope and solace. This faith gives them the strength to endure, persevere, and find meaning in suffering. Their drive to be a light embodies their commitment to positivity, compassion, and kindness, even in the face of adversity.
Learning from their resilience, we can adopt these practices to navigate our challenging times. It's important to prioritize self-care, whether spending time with loved ones, seeking community support, or leaning on our faith.
Acceptance of our emotions is the first step towards healing.
However, it's equally crucial to accept that it's okay not to always be the beacon of light. Recognizing and accepting our feelings during difficult times is a form of self-care and healing. Remembering that it's okay to feel distressed, anxious, or unhappy during challenging times is essential. Acceptance of our emotions is the first step towards healing. It allows us to process our feelings rather than suppress them, leading to healthier emotional well-being.
It is beautiful to want to move forward, to understand there is a deeper meaning to our suffering, and to continue celebrating life; however, make sure it is not at the expense of ignoring reality. As members of the Jewish People, we are facing challenges and fears right now. These can feel even more intense if we have residual trauma from our ancestors; our worry and anxiety might be on high alert right now. It is alright to admit you are having a hard time; seek professional help or lean on those you can trust who will hear your fears with a compassionate heart and willingness to express empathy.
It’s about resilience. I’ve fought many times against adversity and the more they verbally attack me the more I come out stronger.
Lovely article with the perfect balance of validation and encouragement!