Lashon Hara to Therapist

The Aish Rabbi Replies

If it is needed for a person’s emotional health, then it is considered beneficial speech and is allowed (see footnote to Chafetz Chaim 10:14). (Otherwise, we may not speak lashon hara about a deceased person and certainly against a parent whom we are obligated to respect.) The speaker, however, should keep in mind the regular rules for what may be said and how. For example, he should not exaggerate and he should only say as much as needed to achieve his purpose. (Theoretically, he should speak to the person who hurt him first to ask him to stop, but that usually isn’t practical with an unstable or abusive parent.) The above being said, the speaker should not feel too constrained when he speaks if that in itself will affect his ability to heal. Lastly, the speaker should have a positive motive in mind – namely, he should not speak about his abusive parent to get back at him and put him down, but to relieve his own upset over the abuse he suffered.

It is also important that the therapist not accept the speaker’s words as definite truth. He can only consider that his words might be accurate.

Finally, if this question is about yourself, I wish you full healing from your past trauma.