Vampire Weekend's Surprising Jewish Stories
5 min read
Personal connections are vital to living a good life.
What’s the secret to living the happiest, most fulfilling life?
Since 1938, the Harvard Study of Adult Development has been searching for the answer to this question: what makes people flourish? Who are the happiest people out there? They began with 724 participants. Boys from every background, every type of home and education. They followed through with the spouses and descendants of these original men. (The study has just been published as a book, ‘The Good Life: Lessons from the World’s Longest Scientific Study of Happiness”).
Here is their insightful conclusion: good relationships lead to health and happiness. Personal connections are vital to living a good life.
What’s the connection between relationships, health and happiness?
Loneliness is toxic. People who feel lonely are more sensitive to pain, suppress their immune system, have diminished brain function, do not sleep well, and raise their odds of death by 26%. Young adults who are feeling lonely are unable to cope well with stress, don’t do as well academically, and are more likely to face mental health issues.
Young adults who are feeling lonely are unable to cope well with stress, don’t do as well academically, and are more likely to face mental health issues.
Just this week I had a conversation with a woman who lives alone, she is hardly in touch with her children and is divorced. Somehow she has also lost touch with her friends. “Nighttime is the worst” she said. “I find the silence excruciating. I try to fill the space with noise but the silence is overpowering. It makes me feel sick inside.”
The researchers of the Harvard Study discovered that the people who were the most satisfied in their relationships at 50 were the healthiest, mentally and physically, at 80. Incredibly, it wasn’t their blood pressure or cholesterol levels that made the difference. It was the quality of their connections with others. It’s not that these people did not face challenges or stresses that normal life brings. But having others in life to talk to and share good times with actually protected them from low moods and feeling higher levels of physical pain.
Having peace with others gives us inner peace. Healthy relationships are our emotional oxygen, allowing us to live well. It is not just about physical fitness and joining the gym or going for a 5-mile run. We must think about our social fitness and how we relate to others in our life.
Take a step back and contemplate the quality of relationships in your life. Is there a person you’ve lost touch with whom you care about? Have you taken someone for granted, thinking that they’ll always be there for you?
Relationships can be neglected like the plant you keep on the windowsill. You water it haphazardly, whenever you remember. You remember how there used to be beautiful blooms, colorful, filled with life. Now, the leaves are yellowed and shriveling. The flowers are withering. Suddenly you realize that you’ve been careless and you are losing the plant and all its vivid buds.
Friendships and relationships require time and nurturing. A generous spirit. Patience. A listening ear. Empathy. Smiles. A non-judgmental heart.
Friendships and relationships require time and nurturing. A generous spirit. Patience. A listening ear. Empathy. Smiles. A non-judgmental heart.
Ask yourself: Have I disregarded, been insensitive, or unthinking?
Decide that you would like to do things differently. You want to create a treasure chest of relationships. Friendships and connections with others are brilliant gems that brighten our lives. Reach out now. Make the call, plan a lunch, or decide when to meet for a walk or coffee with the person you’d like to strengthen connections with. Invest your time.
Get off your device. So you’ll watch less Netflix or be less on social media. Put meaningful conversations and time with people who can enrich your life above social media. Prioritize the people in your life. You will be gaining joy, spirit and happiness. You will feel stronger, more vibrant, and buffered in a most difficult world.
Once you have decided to renew your relationships, it is important to think about how to make these connections last. It can be a weekly supper that you and your spouse do not miss, a monthly lunch that you have with your child/parents, a weekly Sunday night zoom call, a Friday morning walk and talk with someone who has been missing from your daily life, a monthly Shabbat meal with extended family or friends… you decide.
But make it into a regular custom so that you know that you have given time to those whom you value and cherish.
When God created Adam, He said “It is not good for man to live alone.” The greatest source of happiness and health are in your hands. Just open your eyes and hearts and allow others to enter.
Research like this - often is pre-selective in choosing the - right - people - events - etc., - so that the outcome - fits the theory(ies) of the researcher - and directs the reader into a way of thinking. Often - findings that don't appear to be compatible - or politically correct with the theory - are dismissed - as not relevant. Having said that - the research findings - are close to other research efforts. Though they use The Torah and quote that - When God created Adam, He said “It is not good for man to live alone.” - the rest of the research leaves out - connecting with G-D and His Written Torah. Other research has shown that Jewish men who pray - live longer - than those who don't. Intentional direction - OR?