The Emancipation of Women

The Emancipation of Women

St Peter returned to earth for a day to see how things were going. He went into a popular club in Canton, Cardiff, South Wales. He saw three women gasping as the do very often. They were miserable, so Peter asked, “What’s wrong with you ladies?”

The first woman bleated, “I’ve got a swollen wrist and I can’t move it”. Peter touched her wrist and the swelling went down. Her wrist was flexible once again.

The second woman whined, “I’ve got a tennis-elbow and I can’t move it”. Peter touched the affected area and the swelling went down; her tennis-elbow was no more.

The third woman groaned, “I’ve got a frozen-shoulder and I can’t move it”. Peter put his hand on her and the swelling went down and her shoulder became flexible again.

The women were so grateful in unison they asked Peter, “How can we repay your kindness?” St Peter said, “Go forth and fulfil your man’s every need; you have no feeble excuses now!!”

After my brief encounter with the three ladies in the club, I decided to make further enquiries. I had been astounded at what I saw.

Every Monday evening without fail the women have two to three hour sessions smoking, drinking and lounging around playing a game called ‘bingo’. They have abandoned their moral duty to their men folk. I noticed in particular that these ladies were marking some books with their right or left hand—yet they say they can’t do any ironing. I overheard one man telling another that if he had an argument with his wife she would make him sleep in the spare room, on his own, by himself. This is common practice, if she can’t get her own way!

In my opinion you put women on Earth to fulfil man’s every need, such as to keep his home clean, wash and iron his clothes and give him a warm welcome when he comes home from work. This is in contrast to what I have witnessed. It would appear that all these ladies want to do is to waltz around the house with curlers in their hair, wearing a flimsy housecoat and slippers. In the mornings they chat up the postman or the milkman wearing a skimpy outfit or spend an hour or two gossiping on the phone. In the evening, when their man comes home from work, they pretend to be doing some housework, giving him the impression they have been cleaning the house all day.

After giving this some serious consideration, it is my firm opinion that these ladies need some form of physiotherapy; otherwise in a decade or so they may lose the use of their arms, going the same way as the kiwi and penguin who lost the use of their wings. With your permission Lord I would be delighted to re- introduce them to some old friends, long forgotten: the scrubbing-board, mangle and their favourite the flat-iron. This would be good therapy for them! After a few hours a day for a fortnight or so, this exercise should not only bring back the use of their arms, but also build up their muscles and their confidence. After this fortnight they will be only too keen to do the ironing.

To reinforce the husband’s authority and status, I suggest, with your approval, that a new clause be introduced into the marriage vows. If the husband thinks that his wife has not achieved her full potential, by her thirty-sixth birthday, he should be able to put her in for part-exchange for two eighteen-year-olds!!

It is without doubt plain to see why mankind’s standards are declining. I put the cause of all this down to women and their negative attitude. They expect too much for doing too little!

My full and extensive report on this matter will follow shortly

Yours Peter

After weeks of extensive enquiries there is no trace of St Peter, it’s as though he has vanished off the face of the earth. It is my opinion that one or a group of these ladies is holding St Peter captive to stop him publishing his full report.

The wives are afraid that St Peter’s account will expose the myth that they have been doing housework all day. This can be bourn out by the reason they don’t want their husbands to retire. On the day he retires he can see with his own eyes that his wife has been loafing around the house all their married life.

All the best

John