GOOD MORNING! Just over a week ago, Alqam Khayri, a resident of East Jerusalem, walked past a synagogue on Friday night and opened fire, shooting innocent people on the street and murdering four civilians. The synagogue quickly emptied as worshippers heard the gun shots. The murderer turned his attention to them, continued firing, and then pursued the frightened worshippers as they fled. Khayri was ultimately killed on the scene while engaging with police officers. All told, he murdered seven people and wounded several more.

It was with a combination of sadness and disgust that Israelis (and civilized people the world over) were once again exposed to images of this terrorist’s Palestinian brethren celebrating his murderous act by dancing in the streets, rejoicing with one another, and handing out candies and all sorts of sweets to children. They were celebrating the death of innocent Jews – regular folk out for an evening stroll or attending Shabbat services at their synagogue.

It's no wonder that the following day a thirteen-year-old replicated his actions, shooting and injuring two more innocent people – a father and son through the Old City of Jerusalem.

Last month when Karim Younis was freed – a terrorist convicted in 1980 of murdering an Israeli soldier –  Palestinian Authority leader Mahmoud Abbas declared that “Younis was a symbol for the Palestinian people.” When the Palestinian Authority glorifies terrorists who murder Jews, they are continuing the indoctrination of young Palestinians in Jew hatred. Of course, he is just keeping pace with his competition in Gaza – Hamas – a terrorist organization whose charter calls for the destruction and obliteration of the State of Israel.

There is a terribly misguided tendency to dismiss suicidal attacks – particularly those motivated by religious fervor – as completely ideological in nature. In a rather astonishing 2009 article in the well-respected Journal of Psychiatry, the authors concluded: “Stressing the importance of social psychology, [our research] emphasizes the ‘normality’ and absence of individual psychopathology of the suicide bombers.”

In other words, for the most part these attackers are “normal” and they are just a product of their environment; they are like any other soldier willing to die for their cause. Unsurprisingly, terrorist organizations just love this definition and they use it to recruit their next wave of murderous martyrs.

But subsequent studies and research (as well as in-depth analysis of available perpetrators’ psyches) has scholars challenging that assertion. A fairly comprehensive 2015 article in Scientific American cites studies of preemptively arrested suicide bombers and found evidence of suicidal tendencies, depressive tendencies, and previous (non-terrorist) suicide attempts. Other researchers found that many female suicide bombers seem driven, at least in part, by post-traumatic stress disorder, hopelessness, and despair. The article’s author submits evidence of psychological similarities between suicide terrorists and people who commit nonviolent suicides, coerced suicides, and mass-murder-suicides.

It seems that we can conclude that most homicidal terrorists are – to put it rather plainly and in layman’s terms – sick in the head. But that still doesn’t quite address how or from where the pathology of martyrdom originates. I believe there is a strong correlation between narcissism and having a martyr complex. Consider the following example:

Louis, a seven-year-old boy, is clearing the table after dinner. On his way to the kitchen he inadvertently bumps into the wall and the dishes he is holding fall from his hand and shatter on the floor. His mother – who has had a hard day herself – begins harshly scolding him, “How could you be so careless? How could you be so irresponsible?” She continues to raise her voice and yells, “I wish you were never born. What is wrong with you?” Louis, begins to sob.

Instead of realizing she is way overreacting and consoling him, his mother begins yelling at herself, “Oh God, I’m the worst mother ever! I’m a terrible person!” Louis, still quietly sobbing, now turns to his mother and instead he begins consoling her: “No, you’re not. You’re a great mother. I was behaving irresponsibly and I should have been more careful. I’m sorry.” Louis has just been victimized by the narcissistic personality of his mother. Everything becomes about her. Instead of restoring his self-worth damaged by her outburst, she plays the victim and she uses it to manipulate her son in very specific ways to control the situation and his feelings toward her.

True narcissists have an emotional hole in their psyche that is so large that in their worldview hardly anyone else (or their needs) can exist. The only exception is when the narcissist requires others to fulfill their own emotional needs. One of the most common strategies for a narcissist is to act in a martyr-like way; utilizing passive aggressive behavior to manipulate how others think of them. The martyr persona also ends up deluded, because it is notoriously easy to confuse self-sacrifice with being truly altruistic.

Making sacrifices in order to achieve a greater good is highly commendable. For example, giving charity, living on a tight budget to save for a home, or working extra hours to afford a better education for your child are proper life choices and healthy sacrifices. Sacrificing yourself (martyrdom) to manipulate what others think of you is not.

Homicidal murderers like Khayri are just trying to find some meaning in their pathetic lives; hoping to die as heroes in their twisted culture, one that venerates their sacrifice because it is a narcissistic culture. It has no concern for its adherents – it is only consumed with waging a holy war. Their leadership will do whatever they can to manipulate the weak and mentally unstable to further their agenda of causing pain to their hated enemies. When they achieve their goal of causing pain they celebrate. As Golda Meir was reputed to have said, “Peace will come when the Arabs love their children more than they hate us.”

This week’s Torah portion has an interesting lesson regarding the lure of martyrdom. In this week’s reading we have the Ten Commandments, the second of which is: “Do not have any other gods before Me” (Exodus 20:3).

The great Biblical commentator Rashi (ad loc) clarifies that the verse cannot be explained according to its simple translation because it would be denigrating to the Almighty to even refer to others as gods in the same context of the one true God.

Rather, Rashi explains, the Hebrew word “acheirim – others” is to be translated as “gods who act as ‘others’ to the ones who worship them.” Meaning, gods who act as “strangers” to those who worship them. This is referring to idol worship, because no matter how much the adherents pray to their idols they will never be answered.

For thousands of years, much of mankind worshiped powerless idols. How did this concept endure for so long, what is the pathology of serving a god who doesn’t respond? Being in a relationship with a god who ignores you is akin to being in an abusive relationship. Understandably, the allure of self-sacrifice can be very attractive – people can convince themselves of the purity of their actions – and it makes them feel special. It is this misguided sense of being altruism creates a sense of purpose while remaining narcissistic.

Therein lies one of the main differences between Judaism and other religions. Judaism is built on a foundation of personal growth – sometimes achieved through a measure of self-sacrifice – but the goal is always personal growth, self-sacrifice is never the core purpose. Self-sacrifice is actually antithetical to all we believe.

For example, Judaism doesn’t have the concept of lifelong celibacy, a vow of poverty, or jihad with suicide bombings. We value life and community. As we have explained, acting like a martyr is really just a very self-serving way of elevating one’s opinion of oneself. Similarly, worshiping a god who ignores you allows you to feel that the worship is 100% genuine. It also comes with a bonus; it’s quite easy because it comes without the responsibilities of a relationship. But the whole construct is just a delusion. Idol worship ultimately results in self-worship.

In Judaism we are taught to understand that the Almighty loves His children and cares about us and only wants what is good and best for us. A key element of Jewish philosophy is that both our service to the Almighty and good deeds to our fellow man are rewarded. Even though, as the sages teach in Pirkei Avot (Ethics of our Fathers), we aren’t supposed to serve the Almighty in order to get a reward, it is still critical that we understand and are aware that we will be rewarded. This is because we are in a relationship with the Almighty.

Similarly, just as in a marital relationship where we don’t do things for our spouse on a quid pro quo basis (but rather out of love), we still know all the while that our spouse would do the same for us. What we do for each other out of love is what makes it a relationship. The rare occasions when Judaism calls for self-sacrifice only exist to preserve the integrity of the relationship – never as an ongoing avenue of serving the Almighty.

Yitro, Exodus 18:1 – 20:23

This is the Torah portion containing the giving of the Ten Commandments. Did you know that there are differences in the Ten Commandments as stated here (Exodus 20:1-14) and restated later in Deuteronomy 5:6-18? (Suggestion: have your children find the differences as a game at the Shabbat table during dinner.)

Moses' father-in-law, Jethro (Yitro or Yisro in Hebrew), joins the Jewish people in the desert, advises Moses on the best way to serve and judge the people – by appointing a hierarchy of intermediaries – and then returns home to Midian. The Ten Commandments are given, the first two were heard directly from God by every Jew and then the people begged Moses to be their intermediary for the remaining eight because the experience was too intense.  The portion concludes with the Almighty telling Moses to instruct the Jewish people not to make any images of God. They were then commanded to make an earthen altar, and eventually to make a stone altar, but without the use of a sword or metal tool.