Vayelech 5786: The Mission: Self-Definition

GOOD MORNING! The ten-day period that begins with the two days of Rosh Hashanah (this year, Sept. 23-24) and ends with Yom Kippur (Oct. 2), are known as the “Aseret Yemei Teshuvah – Ten Days of Repentance.” These days are also known as Yomim Noraim or the “Days of Awe.” In the United States, these days are commonly referred to as the “High Holy Days.”

It is interesting to note that the term High Holy Days rather markedly points to the connection between the words “holy day” and “holiday.” The word holiday actually comes from the Old English hāligdæg, from hālig (holy) + dæg (day). Literally speaking, a “holiday” is supposed to be a “holy day.”

This concept dates back to the time when the vast majority of humanity toiled just to provide themselves with the basic necessities of food and shelter. Holidays were primarily a religious day of rest and reflection that revolved around attending religious services. These were days set aside for spending time with families and friends and communing with the Almighty.

Not coincidentally, the Hebrew word “shabbat” also means to rest, and for observant Jews Shabbat revolves around disconnecting from their very busy work week lives. For 25 hours every week they go “off the grid” and refocus their energies; attending synagogue, studying Torah, celebrating festive meals with family and friends, and meditating on the meaningful elements of their lives.

(At this point, I must make mention of the late Charlie Kirk. No matter what one felt about his political views, one had to admire his courage to declare his love of God, family, and religion. He was also a staunch defender of the State of Israel. Though a deeply devout Christian, he said, “Every Friday night, I keep a Jewish Sabbath. I turn off my phone from Friday night to Saturday night. The world cannot reach me, and I get nothing from the world. Try it. It will bless you infinitely.”

He went on to assert that keeping a tech-free Sabbath reduces anxiety and depression and will improve the emotional health of American families. It is particularly worth noting that his whole business model was based on social media and online interconnectivity – yet he found the space in his life to carve out a full day each week to disconnect.

Non-Jews seeing the innate value and keeping a “Jewish Sabbath” should be a wake-up call to every single Jew to whom God gifted the wisdom and responsibility of observing Shabbat some 3300 years ago. It’s your heritage – embrace it.)

As the Western World grew more secular, these “holy days” began to be viewed primarily as vacations from work and about taking trips; thus slowly morphing into holidays. One can only imagine what would happen if a British father told his kids that this year he would be taking them on a very special “holiday” – and then proceeded to take them to church or synagogue for eight hours. They’d probably start looking for another family to adopt them.

In truth, the Jewish concept of “Days of Awe” can be viewed in more than one way. In one sense the word awful just means an extreme; “Jeff Bezos has an awful lot of money.” But spending eight or nine hours in a synagogue during the High Holy Days can be either awe-full or awful. The difference really depends on understanding what we are trying to accomplish during these days.

Last week we discussed the primary obligation that we are trying to achieve on Rosh Hashanah. In this week’s column I would like to discuss the rest of the “Days of Awe.” The Shabbat that falls between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur (“Day of Atonement”) is called “Shabbat Shuva – Shabbat of Repentance.”

Anyone familiar with the liturgy of Yom Kippur is aware that much of the service contains a very heavy dose of demonstrative remorse in the form of breast beating accompanied by a litany of words of confession and regret. Naturally, this leads to an incredibly somber mood and synagogue atmosphere. Refraining from all food and drink certainly compounds the misery.

With this in mind, the following passage in the Talmud (Ta’anis 26b) is nothing short of astonishing. Rabbi Shimon son of Gamliel said; “The Jewish nation has never had more festive days than the 15th of Av and Yom Kippur.” The Talmud goes on to explain that on those two days all the unmarried young men and women used to go to the vineyards and search for their mates.

This is quite shocking. Somehow Yom Kippur was one of just two days a year chosen to arrange suitable matchmaking for young couples! What element of Yom Kippur makes this an appropriate day to do such a thing?

Furthermore, how can the Talmud characterize Yom Kippur as one of the two most festive days on the Jewish calendar? This seems like the exact opposite of Yom Kippur’s natural tone. From where does the feeling of joy emanate?

Regarding the obligation to repent we find the verse, “This commandment that you are charged (to obey) isn’t hidden nor far off from you” (Deuteronomy 30:11). The brilliant medieval Spanish scholar and philosopher known as Nachmanides concludes that this verse is referring to the mitzvah of repentance. Nachmanides continues; “this mitzvah is, in fact, not hard to do and it can be done at all times and in all places.”

Nachmanides’ description of the mitzvah of repentance as rather easy can be difficult to comprehend. After all, year after year, we seem to find ourselves in the same situation and repenting for the same sins as in previous years. His comment on the ease of repentance is reminiscent of the not quite-yet-reformed smoker who says, “Quitting smoking is the easiest thing in the world – I’ve done it a hundred times!”

In all likelihood you, or someone you know, has struggled with their weight at some point. Imagine someone who is very overweight but has committed to a strict diet is suddenly faced with a crucial test: a pizza with all the toppings, accompanied by two extra-large orders of fries, has “miraculously” been delivered to them.

Obviously, some people will be able to overcome their urge to inhale this pizza and fries (we call them weirdos). But others will likely succumb to their desires. Why?

Most people who succumb to the “pizza test” are thinking, “Let’s face it – I weigh 300 lbs., who am I kidding?” and proceed to devour the entire pizza and fries. This is because, in their self-definition, they see themselves as an overweight person on a diet. Their commitment to the diet was rooted in trying to change their behavior – and controlling one’s behavior, in a vacuum, is extremely difficult.

To be successful, you need to focus on changing your self-definition. You must reimagine who you want to be and redefine your self-identity before committing to being that sort of person. For example, a morbidly obese person who keeps kosher isn’t likely to be tempted to eat a pork chop because keeping kosher is integral to his identity. The possibility of eating pork simply doesn’t exist in his reality because that behavior contradicts his very essence. Thus, if you identify as a father on a health journey with a goal of being able to hike, bike, and canoe with your outdoorsy kid, then that pizza and fries suddenly becomes less appealing.

Your mission on Yom Kippur is to ask yourself “Who do I want to be?” and then commit to being that type of person. Once we define our essence we can begin to align our behavior to make that new reality. This is what true repentance is supposed to accomplish. Committing to a way of life creates purpose and change.

By contrast, a person who is mindlessly driven by hedonistic desires or personal insecurities inexorably goes down a vapid path leading to self-destruction. (This is one of the reasons that we are enjoined to disengage from all forms of physical pleasure on Yom Kippur so that we can work on the spirit.)

This is what the Talmud meant. Because Yom Kippur is the day when we search for who we are and commit to living a life that follows our self-definition, it becomes the ideal day for matchmaking. This exercise in self-growth puts us in touch with who we truly are and thus we can understand who we need to marry to have the most amazing life partner.

Ultimately, when the work of the Ten Days of Repentance and Yom Kippur is done correctly, it leads one to self-fulfillment. This is why the Talmud describes it as one of the most festive on the Jewish calendar. Reconnecting with who you truly are leads one to incredible self-satisfaction and a sublime sense of joy.

Vayelech, Deuteronomy 31:1 - 31:30

Vayelech begins with Moses passing the torch of leadership to Joshua (Yehoshua). Moses then gives Joshua a command/blessing, which applies to every Jewish leader: “Be strong and brave. Do not be afraid or feel insecure before them. God your Lord is the One who is going with you, and He will not fail you nor forsake you.”

Moses writes the entire Torah and gives it to the Cohanim and Elders. He then commands that in the future at the end of the Shmita (Sabbatical Year) the king should gather all the people during the Succot festival and read to them the Torah so “[…] that they will hear and learn and fear the Lord your God and be careful to perform all the words of the Torah.”

The Almighty describes in a short paragraph the course of Jewish history (that’s starting from Deuteronomy 31:16 for the curious). Lastly, before Moses goes to “sleep with his forefathers,” he assembles the people to teach them the song of Ha’azinu, the next weekly Torah portion, to remind them of the consequences of turning against the Almighty.