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Top 10 Reasons Why I Should Replace Jon Stewart as the New Host of The Daily Show

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March 1, 2015 | by Mark Miller

Jon Stewart has won 19 Emmy Awards. I am ready to win 19 Emmy Awards, given the chance.

As everyone knows by now, Jon Stewart has announced that after 17 years on the job, he'll step down from Comedy Central's The Daily Show sometime before the end of this year. His contract expires in September. As to his and the show’s influence, perhaps Comedy Central President Michele Gainless put it best: “His comedic brilliance is second to none. Jon has been at the heart of Comedy Central, championing and nurturing the best talent in the industry, in front of and behind the camera. Through his unique voice and vision, The Daily Show has become a cultural touchstone for millions of fans and an unparalleled platform for political comedy that will endure for years to come."

The American people need me.

Gainless also affirmed that Comedy Central would be continuing The Daily Show and seeking a replacement for Stewart, obviously no easy task. Possible replacement names that have been suggested include: Jessica Williams, John Oliver, Samantha Bee, Jason Jones, Chris Rock, Amy Poehler, Olivia Munn, Amy Schumer, Joel McHale, Aisha Tyler, Aziz Ansari, Sarah Silverman, W. Kamau Bell, Kristen Schaal, Michael Che, Hannibal Buress, Maya Rudolph, Tig Notaro, Amy Sedaris, Diablo Cody, Aasif Mandvi, Louis C.K., Dave Chapelle, Tina Fey, Kathy Griffin, John Fugelsang, Jason Jones, Chelsea Handler, and Stephanie Miller.

I believe any of those comedic performers would do a decent job. But to replace Stewart and continue with that esteemed show, do we want someone just doing a “decent” job? No. We want the perfect person who would be the perfect fit; someone who would do an outstanding job, a job truly worthy of Stewart’s legacy. That being the case, and when one considers every possible comedic writer/performer, there is truly only one individual who perfectly fits the needs of the show, the host position, and the American people – me.

What’s that? No, I am being serious. Yes, yes, I know what you’re thinking. Probably something along the lines of, “Come on, Mark, who are you kidding? Nobody knows who you are. You’ve never hosted a national TV show, much less appeared as even a guest on The Daily Show. The fact that you suggested yourself for the position is simply a sad, misguided attempt at self-aggrandizement and ego gratification.” Was I right? Did my mother’s words match your take on the matter, too?

If so, perhaps I can change both your and my mother’s minds with the following Top 10 Reasons Why I Should Replace Jon Stewart as the New Host of The Daily Show:

  1. Two words – Conan O’Brien. In 1993, when David Letterman was preparing to leave Late Night With David Letterman, O’Brien got the job. At the time, he was an unknown to most Americans, had never hosted a national TV show, much less appeared as even a guest on one, and only had credits as a comedy writer. Same as myself. Merely a coincidence? Or a sign that I was fated to be the show’s next host?

  2. Jon Stewart is Jewish and started out as a stand-up comedian before branching into television. As am I and as did I.

  3. Jon Stewart has won 19 Emmy Awards and hosted two different Academy Awards shows. I am ready to win 19 Emmy Awards and host two different Academy Awards shows.

  4. Jon is the author of the comedy book, America (The Book): A Citizen's Guide to Democracy Inaction. I am the author of the comedy book, 500 Dates: Dispatches From the Front Lines of the Online Dating Wars.

  5. On The Daily Show, Jon Stewart blends humor with the day's top news stories, usually in politics, while simultaneously poking fun at politicians and many newsmakers as well as the news media itself. In my shower each morning, I blend humor with the day's top news stories, usually in politics, while simultaneously poking fun at politicians and many newsmakers as well as the news media itself. Fittingly, I make fun of a lot of dirty doings while becoming cleaner by the minute.

  6. In March 2010, Stewart announced that he had optioned rights to the story of journalist Maziar Bahari, who was imprisoned in Iran for 118 days. In March 2013, he announced that he was leaving the show for 12 weeks to direct the film version of Bahari's 2011 book, Then They Came For Me. Stewart's screenplay adaptation is titled Rosewater. It premiered at the September 2014 Toronto International Film Festival, receiving "generally favorable" reviews, and was released to general audiences on November 14, 2014. No less impressive: as a junior in high school, I played on the senior table tennis team.

  7. Although best known for his work on The Daily Show, Stewart has had roles in several films and television series. He played romantic leads in the films Playing by Heart and Wishful Thinking. He had a supporting role in the romantic comedy Since You've Been Gone and in the horror film The Faculty. Stewart had a recurring role in The Larry Sanders Show, playing himself as an occasional substitute and possible successor to late-night talk show host Larry Sanders (played by Garry Shandling). In 1998, Stewart hosted the television special, Elmopalooza, celebrating 30 years of Sesame Street. He has guest-starred on other sitcoms including The Nanny, Dr Katz, Professional Therapist, Spin City, NewsRadio, American Dad, and The Simpsons. I had the wisdom not to spread myself too thin.

  8. Stewart and I each have two children, which is a bond that time cannot erase. There is no gift in life more precious than children. That said, would I be willing to trade my children for the opportunity to host The Daily Show? No. Not this year, anyway. But I’m flattered you would ask. I hope this proves I can ethically handle the position.

  9. I would make extra money for Comedy Central by auctioning off opportunities to appear on the show. The winners would get to provide coffee and foot massages for the cast.

  10. People love happy endings, so I would end each show with a brief wedding ceremony, either current or historical – and for the European edition of the show, the honeymoon as well.



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