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The 6 Most Powerful Things You Can Say to Raise Confident Kids

November 10, 2016 | by Adina Soclof, MS. CCC-SLP

Print these statements and repeat them often!

1. “I love you!”

There is nothing more important to a child than knowing that his parents love and cherish him. Say this loud and often.

2. “Having a child is the best thing in the world.”

This lets kids know how important they are to you. Adults who grew up in difficult homes often tell me that they felt like such a burden to their parents. As a result, they were scared to have children themselves, and when they did they could not believe how amazing (tough but amazing) being a parent actually is.

Let your kids know that having children is one of the best things that can happen to you. Help them feel confident that they add value to your life.

3. “I know you will make good decisions” or “You know what is right for you.”

Making good decisions is an integral part of being a grown up. We need to have the confidence to look within ourselves and trust our gut to make those decisions. So often we don't believe our children can make good choices. But we need to let them know that they have it within themselves to do so. We want them to listen and trust their own intuition. The above phrase gives them the boost they need to access that part of themselves.

4. “You should be proud of yourself!”

We often tell our kids how proud we are of them. That’s good but we also need to ensure that they are feeling a sense of inner pride. This way they learn to self-evaluate and assess themselves and their accomplishments instead of relying on others. It also strengthens their self-image by encouraging them to internalize what they observe about their own achievements. They learn that they have all the ingredients they need to succeed within themselves. It might seem like an inconsequential change, but it packs a powerful, confidence-inducing punch.

5. “I know you didn't mean too…”(leave your bike out in the rain, forget to clean your room, drop my phone…)

It is always good to soften the blow when you have to correct or admonish your kids. And it’s true; no one really sets out to do the wrong thing. This phrase separates your child from his behavior. It lets your child know that you have confidence in them and their innate goodness, building their confidence in the process.

6. “When you are ready…”

We often disregard our children’s fears and hesitancy, “There is nothing to be afraid of! The water in the swimming pool won’t bite you.” “Riding a bike is easy. There’s nothing to it!” This just makes kids dig their heels in and can create power struggles. It sounds counterintuitive but to instill confidence in our kids we need to show respect for our children’s fears. We then want to let them know that eventually they will be ready to try new things. (Trying new things is an important life skills and integral to maintaining a vibrant life.) We can say, “When you are ready and you get comfortable, you will get into the water.” “When you are ready you will learn to ride your new bike!”

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