Funny Stuff
Jackie Mason’s Life and Jokes
6 min read
6 min read
Are you a mensch? Take this quiz to find out now!
Since the dawn of time, man has asked himself three iconic questions:
While we’re still grappling with the first two questions, I think I can help out a bit with the third – how do I know whether I’m a mensch?
First, a definition:
Mensch (Hebrew/Yiddish: mentsh, cognate with the German word Mensch meaning a "human being") means "a person of integrity and honor". ... A "mensch" is "someone to admire and emulate, someone of noble character.
The key to being "a real mensch" is nothing less than character, rectitude, dignity, a sense of what is right, responsible, decorous. (Rosten, Leo. 1968. The Joys of Yiddish.)
The dilemma is who gets to determine who’s a mensch? I mean, it all seems so subjective. I suppose that ultimately God decides. But until then, what? Shouldn’t there be some esteemed person who weighs in, or an international certifying institution, or at least some website, blog or podcast with mensch-awarding guidance?
In the absence of any of those determining factors, however, I’ve decided to become proactive. I’ve created the following 100% Unofficial Quiz to Determine if You’re a Mensch (or Menschette). Is it definitive? Not by a long shot. Scientific? Absolutely not. Will it hold up in court? What, are you kidding? But, hey, it’s a start. Let me know how you do.
You sit down on a park bench and notice a wallet someone has left on the bench. You open it to find the owner’s license, registration, credit cards, and $200 in cash. What do you do?
In honor of your birthday, your husband has just treated you to the most delicious and expensive meal you’ve ever enjoyed. It was so satisfying and filling that you could only eat half. But you’re already drooling at the prospect of diving in to the leftovers tomorrow night. Walking to your car afterwards, you notice a street person sitting against a storefront, holding a sign saying, “I haven’t eaten in four days”. You immediately:
Your wife returns from her doctor’s appointment, distraught. She’s just been informed that due to her rare disease, she has, at the most, three months left to live. You…
Your vet informs you that the beloved pet dog with whom your family grew up has a rare liver disease that will require multiple operations and cost ten to fifteen thousand dollars to treat. You…
Exiting a shopping mall, you happen to notice some guy in the parking lot, attempting to break into one of the cars. You immediately…
Okay, by now I feel with your answers here, that you should know whether or not your life is in mensch territory. And if you’re a mensch, I of course can trust you to grade these yourself. If it turns out you are one, congrats. You are a good person. One to be admired. And celebrated. If, however, you are not even close to being a mensch, for the love of God, get with the program, Shlomo or Rivka. Nothing personal.