Rocking My Crown: Highs and Lows of Covering My Hair

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I walk around in this world with a constant awareness of who I am as a married Jewish woman – off limits to other intimate relationships.

The morning after my wedding, I woke up in the hotel suite in Jerusalem and was getting ready to go down for the gourmet honeymoon breakfast with my husband of a few hours. Before heading out the door, I paused, realizing I had forgotten something. I ran back to my suitcase to choose a scarf from my bag, one that matched perfectly with my outfit. I looked into the mirror, and without any skill or experience (read: I had no clue what I was doing!), I tied up and covered my long brown hair for the first time in my life. And when I walked out of the hotel room door that morning, it was the very first time the world would not see my hair.

Since that day 18 years ago, only my husband and children have seen me with my hair uncovered. Looking back now, I smile at my innocence. I was barely 20 years old. So idealistic. So pure. I was so excited for this new look and the status that came along with it. The status of being an Orthodox Jewish married woman. I couldn’t wait for all the accessorizing, and to use my creativity and artistic flair to do this mitzvah. So many choices, so many colors... This is going to be great fun! I thought. I was living in Israel at the time, and this was the norm in my circles. You get married – you cover your hair. So when in Rome...and I just jumped in.

Fast forward 18 years. I am still covering my hair. The excitement has waxed and waned over the years; I’ve gone through many stages and phases in my connection to this observance. I won’t lie and say it has always been a breeze. There have been tears. I’ve had to search and find meaning for myself within this observance after the initial excitement wore off. I’ve had to make this something that I am proud to keep doing. Every. Single. Day. Even when I don’t feel like it, or when it feels too hot to put something on my head.

I choose to keep doing this, not out of rote but out of choice. And I still choose to uphold this tradition just like my great grandmothers did in Europe until they were taken to the gas chambers in Auschwitz. Just like my husband’s grandmothers and great grandmothers did in North Africa. And just like I imagine the Jewish matriarchs did in Israel thousands of years ago. I choose to carry on the tradition.

Eve Levy. Yes she is wearing a wig.

Jewish observances should make your heart sing. This goes for any mitzvah. They are meant to be used as ways for connecting us with our Creator. A mitzvah is precious, like a diamond. Neither one should feel heavy or burdensome. A mitzvah should ideally feel uplifting. If it doesn’t, that could be a sign that something needs readjusting. You may need to change how you are doing the mitzvah. Relearn the meaning behind the particular mitzvah, find some fresh inspiration, get advice from a mentor, figure out how to make it work for you in a way that makes you happy. God wants us to serve Him with joy. He wants our hearts to sing.

So why do Jewish women cover their hair?

If you would ask this question to five different women, you might get five different answers. One woman might answer that she is keeping her hair exclusively for her husband. One woman might answer she does it because her mother did it. One woman might say that for her it is connected to the laws of modesty. For some, it is logical; for others, it’s emotional.

I’d like to share with you some ideas that resonated with me.

The Talmud teaches that God braided Eve’s hair before her wedding to Adam. It highlights the power of hair. Hair is a big part of our beauty as women. Hair may seem so insignificant, not a vital part of our bodies. But interestingly enough, it grows opposite the most important part of oneself – the brain. Even our body hair grows opposite places of power – under our arms, which are the vehicles of action in the world, and on our reproductive parts, which are the place of utmost creation and creativity.

In our society, a ring on a finger indicates marriage. Every society has different norms.  Historically, women wore hair coverings, Jews and non-Jews. Gloves and bonnets were a symbol of society. Status. Respect. Dignity. The queen of England always wears a hat or crown on her head when in public till this day.

Where there is more spiritual voltage, you need more spiritual protection.

There are deep Kabbalistic teachings that talk about the powerful aura that emanates from the head of a person. The Talmud tells us how an angel teaches the entire Torah to a baby in utero. This light in the womb shines from above the head, and it stays lit for the entire life of the person.

When a woman gets married, her aura changes. This special aura now becomes more open and vulnerable to negative external forces. Covering her head acts as a protection to herself. A marriage and an intimate relationship have so much potential. There is so much voltage, so to speak. Where there is more spiritual voltage, you need more spiritual protection.

Some may not even realize that I always have my head covered. To some, I might look very natural sporting a wig or a headband fall. People may not know it, but I always know that I am covering my hair. As comfortable as wigs can be these days, you still feel like you’re covering your head. And that’s important. I walk around in this world with a constant awareness of who I am as a Jewish married woman – off limits to other intimate relationships. A certain barrier separates me from other men. I personally feel a particular containment and centering when my head is covered.

As I get dressed each morning, with my unique style and flair, I take a moment to pause in front of the mirror. I look myself over and I ask myself: am I representing my true self? Do I look dignified? Do I represent the daughter of the King? With this final touch before I start my day as a busy working mom, I cover my hair.

Now, I am ready. I do feel like a princess, being crowned with royalty. Ready to represent myself to the world. Ready to sanctify God’s name as best as I can.

This is my choice. This is my tradition. I am honored to uphold this and rock my crown.

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Esther Nash
Esther Nash
1 month ago

No that is not what I’m saying. I’m simply observing the inconsistency of wearing a wig made of human hair which can look better (and can appear as authentic as) one’s own hair. How does doing this fulfill the mitzvah’s intent of indicating to other men that the woman is married? It is okay to wear one’s own hair as a wig but not when it is attached to one’s scalp.

Esther Nash
Esther Nash
1 month ago

I don’t accept that “the converse is true” for married women who choose not to cover their hair. I was just pointing out the inconsistency and observance of the “letter” but not “spirit” of the mitzvah when the head covering consists of a luxuriant wig often made of human hair (or can even be made of one’s own hair). If a married woman chooses to cover her hair, it seems to me that a fabric covering (snood, kerchief or turban) avoids this contradiction.

BBS
BBS
1 month ago
Reply to  Esther Nash

So, in other words, you're saying it's better not to do the mitzvah at all than to do it incorrectly?!
That's a double standard if there ever was one!
At least when a woman covers her hair she's aware that she's obligated to do so. If she's not honest enough to admit that she's not doing it right, I agree that's a problem
But to imply that an outright rejection of doing what one should is acceptable (perhaps you mean it's even better than not obeying the spirit of the law!) is much. much more problematic!!

Rachel
Rachel
1 month ago

Good for you doing the mitzvah. As someone who had to cover my head for medical reasons, I have not been able to do so for religious reasons at this time.

Esther Nash
Esther Nash
1 month ago

The “off limits” reminder to herself the author gives as a reason for covering her hair after marriage sounds like a rationalization. Why doesn’t her marriage band serve this purpose? Clearly a woman’s hair is considered something sexual which should not be displayed after marriage lest it attract other men. If that’s the case, how can one rationalize wearing a wig which is often made of human hair and these days far more beautiful and sexy than one’s own hair will ever be.

BBS
BBS
1 month ago
Reply to  Esther Nash

You raise a valid and challenging point to married Jewish women who actually delude themselves into thinking they're observing the mitzvah of covering their hair with a wig that's more eye-catching than their own hair.
Even after prominent rabbis speak out against this breach in modesty, one can still find ads in so-called heimish magazines blatantly peddling the "lace-top wigs' natural look", for instance.
Granted that it's hard to go against the tide, but doing the right thing is usually not easy.
If proper head coverings protect a married Jewish woman and show her reverent desire to do Hashem's will, the converse must also be true.
Let's face it, Hollywood hair will only admit one into the Hollywood Hall of Fame, the very antithesis of what a Jewish woman should strive for!

Rachel
Rachel
1 month ago
Reply to  Esther Nash

I think it’s more of a sign to others that a woman is married.

Alan S.
Alan S.
1 month ago

A beautiful essay. The author sounds like a dynamo, and I mean it in positive, healthy ways.
By the way, your bio seems fine.

Elizabeth
Elizabeth
1 month ago

What an interesting article - thank you! I have never understood the commandment to cover the hair, but now it begins to make sense. However, I have heard that in some communities women actually cut their own hair very short, and this still makes no sense to me if you are going to cover it! Unless it is more comfortable that way in a hot climate, of course.

Cora B. Hermann
Cora B. Hermann
1 month ago

Sorry, but I don´t see the point in covering my hair with a wig. Covering my hair, with other ones hair?

Annie
Annie
1 month ago

Ditto; if it looks like your hair, it seems to defeat the object of the exercise. Why not wear a scarf or turban?

Elisheva
Elisheva
1 month ago
Reply to  Annie

You're right - wigs are not universally accepted among poskim (experts in Jewish law), especially not the very realistic ones, for that very reason.
Ultimately the reason we keep any mitzva is because G-d said to do so, not because of any logical reasoning in our own minds. There are of course wonderful benefits that come from keeping mitzvos - why would G-d have made it any other way? - but ultimately that's not why we keep them.

Barb
Barb
1 month ago

Of course, that's not the ideal nor the only way to cover one's hair -- but the fact that many do it incorrectly doesn't give a married Jewish woman license not to do the mitzvah at all!

Zvi
Zvi
1 month ago

There are some other points to explore.

  1. The difference (if any) between wearing a wig vs. a hat /tichel / snood...
  2. If the hair is always kept covered, does the author take care that her hair should still be especially attractive to her husband or does she just neglect it since "nobody else" will see it?
Barbara
Barbara
1 month ago
Reply to  Zvi

I once heard a wise insight about hair covering: Many women have turned the mitzvah upside down by wearing showy wigs when they go out of the house but they look dowdy inside their homes! Of course, a woman should always look attractive to her husband and aim for true modesty, dignity and respectability outside of her home. There are certainly ways to do this without displaying ostentatious head coverings.

Alan Weisz
Alan Weisz
1 month ago

Very impressive, inspiring and informative, Eve. Just Need to update your bio,

Evee
Evee
1 month ago

Great article!

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