Rewarding Children

August 21, 2011 | by Aish.com

My children feel it is unfair when they are rewarded differently. How should we deal with this?

We have two boys, ages 4 and 5. They don't like to be treated differently, yet sometimes it is necessary. For example, rewarding one for using the bathroom properly would be a joke for the other. But then they feel it is unfair when they are rewarded differently. How should we deal with this?

The Aish Rabbi Replies

You should persist in rewarding them differently for different things. Why? Because proper education must reflect the reality of life. We each have different challenges, and are rewarded based on our own level.

How do you get the children to accept this? The key is to remind them of the "inequity" – not when the other sibling is getting rewarded – rather when they are the one getting rewarded! In other words, as you hand the boy his prize, tell him, "Notice how only you are getting rewarded for this. See, it's not always equal. But this is something you're working hard at. Maybe next time your brother will get a reward for something he's working hard at."

Here’s another useful suggestion. If the reward is a cookie, for example, you could give the child two cookies and say, "One is for you, and the other is for you to give your brother." That way, the one who gets rewarded learns the value of sharing. And the one who didn't get rewarded learns to take pleasure in the success of others.




MOST POPULAR QUESTIONS
1 2 3 2,899

🤯 ⇐ That's you after reading our weekly email.

Our weekly email is chock full of interesting and relevant insights into Jewish history, food, philosophy, current events, holidays and more.
Sign up now. Impress your friends with how much you know.
We will never share your email address and you can unsubscribe in a single click.
linkedin facebook pinterest youtube rss twitter instagram facebook-blank rss-blank linkedin-blank pinterest youtube twitter instagram