Put a Ring On It

“If you like it then you should have put a ring on it.” Wise words from Beyoncé.

If you’re dating for marriage, best to be upfront.

Rachel met Jake six days after breaking up with another guy, Brandon. She and Brandon had an instant connection but he didn’t make her a priority and it fizzled out after six months.

Before meeting Jake, she was at dinner with a male friend, visibly upset about the break-up. This friend of hers was ironically dating a girl for years with no intention of marrying her. She asked him why he was still dating her if he didn’t want to marry her. He said he loved her, and enjoyed her company, but she never asked about the future.

Be upfront and honest early on about what you’re looking for.

“Brandon probably knew early on that it was never going to work out between the two of you,” the friend told her. “If you’re looking for more, be upfront and honest early on about what you’re looking for. Not in a pressuring way, but just being direct.”

“I was always so afraid of scaring the guy away that I never brought it up,” Rachel said.

“If the guy is in the same place in his life as you and looking to settle down, it won’t scare him away. The only guys it scares are the ones who aren’t open to settling down, and that wouldn’t work out, anyway.”

A few days later, she met Jake. She was apprehensive to meet someone so soon, but knew right away that this was a guy she could see herself with. She took her friend’s advice, and on the second or third date told him that she was at a place in her life where she was looking to get married. She explained that if that was not what he was looking for—well, that’s fine, but it was not going to work out between them.

“I told him that I wasn't looking for him to propose tomorrow, but if we’re still dating in a year and not getting married, then I’m going to move on with my life.” She felt a year was more than enough time to know for sure.

Jake said that her being so upfront changed his whole perspective on the relationship. They still had fun, but in the back of his mind he kept asking himself, Do I want to marry this person? Fortunately, it worked out, and he proposed after nine months!

“We still talk to this day about where we’d be without that conversation. He told me he definitely wouldn’t have proposed that soon, but he eventually would have. I wonder how many years it would have taken him? Would I have gotten frustrated while waiting and left him?”

Without pressuring the guy, you can let him know your intentions regarding dating. Why waste your time on someone who does not want to get married? Your golden dating years are limited, take advantage of your time.

The Ultimatum

If you’re already in a relationship and it feels like you’re being strung along with endless promises of engagements that never actualize, it’s time to give an ultimatum.

Figure out the maximum amount of time you’d be willing to stay. Then let him know that you’d leave if they are not engaged by that point.

Know when to say goodbye. You love him, but you must love yourself enough to not waste precious time.

But here’s the catch: You have to be willing to walk away for good.

Beyoncé is on to something. Be strong and upfront, and walk away if necessary. They’ll get the hint, “You should have put a ring on it.”

In her newest book, Is it Ever Enough? Sarah Pachter invites readers to join her on a journey of self-discovery and self-fulfillment in dealing with life’s everyday challenges and encounters. Filled with heart, humor, and practical wisdom, this book provides a blend of personal musings, reflections, and observations offer gentle guidance, encouragement, and inspiration for living a life of joy, positivity, and Divine purpose. Click here to order.