How to be Married by This Time Next Year
Four helpful dating strategies.
It’s Tu B'Av, the Jewish day of love. And for some the day carries with it yet-to-be-fulfilled dreams and desires. So, for those of us (and we’ll focus more on the women here, keeping in mind that most of this can be applied to the men as well) who are still looking for that special someone with whom we’d like to share the journey of life, here are four strategies to consider if you’d like to be checking a different box in the marital status section of the government forms you fill out this time next year...
1. Stop trying to be married by this time next year.
When you go into a date feeling pressure for this to be “the one”, you unconsciously (or consciously) try to force a result onto a process rather than allowing it to grow organically, enjoyably, and taking things as they come.
This doesn’t mean not to be marriage-minded when dating. But there is a big difference between “I would really like to get married sometime soon” and “It has to be this one because if it’s not with him, it might never happen.”
Turning a desire into an obligation you bestow upon the next guy who sits across from you isn’t going to bode well for the two of you tying the knot in the near future.
The opportunity of the moment is passing you by because you’re busy trying to dictate its outcome. Being stuck in the future causes you to miss out on the present.
This fear can sabotage courtship. Instead, recognize that you’re not in control of what others feel. And do the only thing you can do: Remain authentic to who you are, enjoy the moment, have fun, and...
2. Stop questioning if he likes you. Ask yourself if you like him.
Don’t twist yourself into a pretzel to get someone’s approval. Instead of giving real responses, your fear of being rejected leads you to be something that you’re not in an attempt to control what the guy thinks of you in order to win him over.
All that mental string pulling can be exhausting and give your brain the mental equivalent of a serious case of arthritis.
So stop looking at your interactions from his perspective. That’s his job and he’s got that covered. Your job is to drop into your perspective and view your interactions with your date from there.
Stick to these three simple questions:
- Do I like him?
- Does he treat me well?
- Do I want to see him again?
Instead of worrying about what he's thinking about you, ask yourself what you think about him. Instead of getting ahead of yourself and entangled in a web of finality and pressure around whether or not you can spend the rest of your life with this person, stay in the present and simply ask yourself if you'd like to see him again.
Is the answer yes? Then great. On to another date with this guy.
Keep this attitude as you continue to date him. It will keep you grounded, true to yourself, in the moment... and you'll see where it goes.
3. Become emotionally whole.
We need the right amount of good quality food to be functioning at our peak physical state. Without that, we're off our game, become irritable, get impatient and snap at people.
We also have emotional needs that need to be satiated. When we ignore our emotional needs, we find ourselves rattled and out of sync with the person we want to be, unable to employ the traits we want to exude.
Sometimes the solution to running on emotional empty is simply to identify the activities that fill you up and energize you and incorporate them into your life. It can be reading a book in the park, curling up on the couch with a hot drink, getting back into yoga, spending time on the beach, or meeting up with a friend that gives off positive energy.
Whatever the nourishing self-care activities are for you, find them and plug them into your daily, weekly and monthly routine so that you’re emotionally satiated and the best version of yourself.
When you enjoy the various aspects of your life, it leads you to a sense of fullness, contentment and confidence. It brings out the best of you and sends out signals that are attractive, endearing, and awakens the desire in others to want to make a place for you in their life.
4. Fitness matters.
Hand-in-hand with becoming that best version of yourself emotionally, is becoming the best version of yourself physically. When you’re physically striving, you feel better about yourself and come off more radiant.
So, make fitness a priority in your life. Establish goals and meet them. And we are not talking here about walking twenty minutes a day. Carve out time to do something intense and truly difference-making on an ongoing basis.
Doing a workout regimen will make you feel more powerful and confident in an array of other areas of your life because a change anywhere is a change everywhere.
As you step up your game and treat yourself better, your standards in all areas of life are likely to go up – and that’s going to come across in how you present yourself and interact.
If you want to be married this time next year, let go of whatever is beyond your control and do all that’s in your power to live your life to its fullest and healthiest. Stay in the moment. Stay in touch with yourself. Stay connected with your desires – and let all other pressures and voices fall by the wayside.