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Dating Extroverts

May 25, 2021 | by Aleeza Ben Shalom

Tips for dating someone naturally outgoing.

Extroverts are generally friendly, fun, outgoing, naturally comfortable with people, upbeat, outspoken, and easier to get to know because they're open and comfortable sharing what's on their mind. They're energetic, emotionally vocal, enthusiastic and known to be an open book.

If you're an introvert, you may be thinking: I’m nothing like this. How can I relate to this type of personality?

Introverts are usually more guarded, quiet, harder to read, and a bit mysterious. They tend to be known as good listeners. They're aware of their feelings, usually analytical, and emotionally attuned. They are good at observing, comfortable by themselves, and have meaningful connections with a few close friends. They are fine with silence; for an introvert, silence is joy. They are independent, self-sufficient, committed to their goals, super focused, and happy to be alone.

If this is you, it may be hard to date an extrovert, but it is good to find a balance and move a bit out of your comfort zone.

Extroverts do face some challenges. Since they love to talk, they may be perceived as not good listeners. They have a hard time being alone; for them, silence is pain. Extroverts may also come across as overly talkative and attention seeking. Some may even view them as untrustworthy because they talk a lot. And their energy may be too much for some people.

Here are a few tips for dating as an extrovert, or relating to an extrovert that you are dating:

Be Aware of Your Differences

When dating an extrovert, they can come across as friendly and social, but it can be overwhelming for an introvert to date someone on the complete opposite side of the spectrum as them. Extroverts enjoy shmoozing and socializing, they prefer to meet in person, face to face. Extroverts get frustrated when they don’t have the opportunity to connect and shine at events or in person. Online dating may really frustrate extroverts who want to get a feel for someone in person - they prefer more talk time, more in person communication.

On the other hand, introverts prefer taking things slowly, online, behind the scenes, versus in your face. An introvert may be overwhelmed by in-person dating, and especially social scenes. They may not like constant text messages back and forth, and may need some space. An introvert is really solid about who they are and don’t make a big scene, but they can be hard to get to know, and this can be frustrating for someone very extroverted. An introvert may prefer less communication and may want to be alone or have quiet time, which may confuse the extrovert. As an introvert, be aware of how your need for quiet and space can come across as disinterest to an extrovert.

Get out of your comfort zone

Maybe you are dating an extrovert and they want more talking or in person time than you’re comfortable with, so you need to decide what you can handle and communicate this to them. Push yourself a little out of your comfort zone. Meet in the middle. If they want to text every night and meet in person three times a week, come up with a compromise that you can handle.

Open Yourself up to the Possibilities

Most people do not neatly fit into one box; there is a wide spectrum. We have all different sides to our personality. It’s okay to date someone with a different type of personality. It may even be good for you. Introverts and extroverts can balance each other out. The main point is to figure out: do I like this person? Do I enjoy spending time with him or her? Do I want to build on this relationship? From there, you can decide if it is worth investing time and energy, even if there are personality differences.

Remember, in marriage, you are not looking for someone to be everything for you. If you are an extrovert, you may have a greater need to socialize than your spouse does, and that can be handled within the context of a happy marriage. If you’re seriously dating and thinking about marrying someone who is more of an extrovert than you, you may need to open yourself up more than you have in the past, or explain why you need some quiet time occasionally. None of these things precludes you from having a happy marriage.

May you have an easy time identifying your needs and explaining them to the right one, very soon.


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