Mordechai Schmutter writes a weekly and a bi-weekly humor column for Hamodia and a comic strip for The Brooklyn Family Pages of Brooklyn. He is also the author of the books, Don’t Yell “Challah” in a Crowded Matzah Bakery, A Clever Title Goes Here, This Side Up, Cholent Mix, What Is This - Some Kind of Joke?, and For This I Had to Grow Up? all published by Israel Book Shop. In his spare time, which doesn't exist, he attempts to teach Language Arts to a bunch of high school guys, most of whom are far more interested in bombarding him with reasons not to impart them with knowledge that their parents already paid for. He is also available to do stand-up comedy. He lives in New Jersey for some reason.
With a little preparation and the right kind of weapon, anyone can sleep in the sukkah!
Do masks work? Should you go to shul? Should you send your kids to Israel? Mordechai tells all!
My advice to parents who are suddenly vice principals of schools at home.
It’s important to know your family medical history, which is why your mother wants you to call a few times a week.
They have enough luggage for a family making Aliyah…
Since our kids don’t write home, here are my guesses as to what’s happening at camp.
Here’s what we did in camp this week, in case your kid insists he did “nothing.”
I’m making a bris for my son who has no name yet. Do I have to give a speech?
This is how I roll.
“I love my wife, but I’m so sick of leftovers. What should I do?”
People need advice for Sukkot. Jewish men are building houses, keeping plants alive, and dancing in public, none of which they know how to do.
Here are a bunch of new emojis you’ll use every day.
No, one size does NOT fit all!
There are benefits to voting that I bet you didn’t even consider.
Class, complete the sentence: “If I get to class and Mr. Schmutter isn’t there…”
Don’t you get annoyed when people want to point out that you said something stupid and say, “Hellllooooo?!?!”
Our kids keep getting bigger, but our house doesn’t.
As an English teacher at a Jewish high-school, I am witnessing firsthand the demise of cursive. And I couldn’t be happier.
Here are some menorahs that might turn a few heads – to the extent that you might cause traffic accidents.
We teachers give you tests primarily because we hate you. There, I said it.
“You might be happier in portly,” the suit salesman told me. What exactly does that mean?
It’s tough, being a work-at-home husband.
Some fun ideas to do with your family during Sukkot.
The summer’s not over yet which means you still have time to perfect that lawn. Here are my tips.
Can someone please come up with a better alternative than letting kids wear glasses? They’re expensive, delicate and made out of glass!
I was never really good at meeting new people. After all, what’s the point?
I’m terrible at sports, but my team always wins. They play their best to compensate for me.
Who needs 80 million pictures of themselves?
My son, Daniel, came home with a gerbil the other day. These kids pick up the weirdest things in school.
Q: I’m cleaning out my kitchen, and I found two slices of frozen pizza. Should I split up the two slices among my 8 kids, or go to the store and buy MORE pizza so no one will feel left out?
I am afraid of public speaking, which doesn’t help my career as a part-time standup comedian.
Purim is the holy holiday of candy – allow me to prepare you.
It’s flu-season and my kids are really starting to take advantage.
I’ve got back pain so I guess that means mazal tov to me, I am old now.
How about the Back-Scratch Shirt which comes with a grid on the back, like in battleship, so you can direct the scratcher to the specific itch with lightening precision.
Today’s topic: how to save on home-heating costs.
When I go to sleep I’m out like a light. My wife though takes a bit longer and then blames me for it, like there’s a certain amount of sleep to go around, and I’m using all of it up.
As a teacher my students always ask me what school teaches
them about real life. Here’s what.
Gas prices keep going up. Here are my tips to keep your costs down.
We’re in the market for a new car. This is not going to be fun.
Here’s a sure fire tip if you want to be remembered for posterity: do something really embarrassing. Humanity promises not to forget.
A manual to coaching Little League, or in my case, Yiddle League.
God has given me perfect health, but to make up for it, I have really bad teeth. Really bad.
Ever wonder what that 1 year old is saying? Let me explain.
I am obsessed with eating food that was cooked, at the very least, that week.
Yes, Cheerios were invented by anti-Semites who totally don’t care about Pesach.
Some of the expressions we use sound like they were coined by someone who doesn’t actually speak English.
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