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7 Things to Let Go in Dating

October 6, 2016 | by Leah Cheirif

Common obstacles on the road to finding your soul mate.

Dating can be hard. From my experience with singles, I’ve seen several dating obstacles that stop a relationship cold in its tracks. Here are seven things to let go in dating:

  1. Let go of the idea that you’re going to find 100% of what you’re looking for in the opposite sex. I’m not saying to lower your standards; I’m saying that no one is perfect. One of the biggest mistakes I see in dating is that someone rejects the date because they didn’t meet all of their expectations. Unfortunately I have several clients who have been dating for years specifically because of this erroneous mindset. Know which items on your list are non-negotiable; do not give in on your values. And determine which things are nice but face it, not essential. At the end of the day, you can let go if the person is a little taller or shorter than you would have liked. Same things goes with age and where they are from.

  2. Let go of some hours at work, or whatever it is that’s keeping you so busy. Singles tell me they want to get married, but they are not making dating a priority. Put your dating for marriage at the top of the list. It’s important to take the time off and set aside time for your own self-care. Taking good care of yourself enables you to become your best self. Going to the gym, taking a rest, listening to inspiration MP3s are all ways you can take care of your physical and emotional well-being.

  3. Let go of thinking that you’re in this alone. While ultimately you decide who you will spend the rest of your life with, don’t be afraid to ask trustworthy friends, a mentor or Rabbi for advice. Consulting with someone you trust when you have doubts can help you get that clarity that you’re looking for.

  4. Let go of being so hard on yourself. Do not blame yourself for not getting engaged yet. If you’re collecting the right dating advice, you know who you are and who you want to be, you’re on the right track. Add the 3 P’s and hopefully you’ll be much closer to the chuppah: patience, prayer and positivity.

  5. Let go of ingratitude. The secret to happiness is appreciation. The minute we focus on all that we do have as opposed to what we’re lacking, the world seems to look a little bit brighter.

  6. Let go of your need for something to happen immediately. Be flexible and trust everything will come in its right time. Remember, the Almighty is ultimately running the show. You may meet the one when you’re looking or perhaps when you’re not looking, either way you will enjoy the process more if you can be flexible with what happens in your dating life.

  7. Let go of thinking dating should be a quick smooth process with no bumps along the way. Sometime it is, but don’t expect that. Relationships require a lot of time and effort. There is no magic click of the button that will bring instantaneous results. The Talmud says, "According to the effort is the reward" (Avot 5:26).

While there are things beyond your control, you have the ability to navigate through the dating process. May we all be blessed with a sweet new year full of faith and the ability to let go and find th relationships we desire. Shana tova!

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