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Goyish Vs. Jewish, Part 3

May 8, 2009 | by Marnie Winston-Macauley

The final installment in our survey of the things that just "feel" Jewish, and those that don't.

Well, dear readers, here it is! The third and final part of our VERSUS "trilogy." But unlike The Godfather, where parts one and two make you geshrei (scream) in "joy," and part three in "oy," in typical Jewlarious style, we've maintained our impeccable standards.

Like Solomon, we've "divided." Half is "Jewish vs. Goyish," half – "Goyish vs. Jewish!"

Like Solomon, we've "divided." Half is "Jewish vs. Goyish," half -- "Goyish vs. Jewish!" we're leading off with the HF (Hamish Factor) things that "feel" Jewish even if they're Goyish! Then, switch to the GF (Goyishe Factor) -- things that "feel" Goyish even if they're Jewish.

Again, you, dear readers, have come through with your own brilliant picks, which we've chosen for special mention.

To celebrate our final VERSUS, The poster we've picked for the gold will receive a free copy of my 2009, A Little Joy, A Little Oy calendar! Autographed, yet! (And that includes our last winner from Part Two, Marlene. ("Hellman's Mayonnaise is Jewish, Miracle whip is Goyish"). Winners, write to me at and let me know where you'd like me to send it! Remember, If you don't send, I can't send. So mazel to all contenders.

Judges are Jewish Juries are Goyish
Packing all the mini hotel shampoos is Jewish Using them is Goyish
Ordering family style is Jewish Ordering a la carte is Goyish
Cruises are Jewish Walking tours are Goyish
Laugh-In was Jewish Hee Haw was Goyish
Grabbing lox from the back of the buffet first, is Jewish Grabbing melon from the front is Goyish
Bunions are Jewish Flat feet are Goyish
Simon Says is Jewish The Hokey Pokey is Goyish
"Bewitched" is Jewish "I Dream of Jeannie" is Goyish
The Limbo is Jewish Line dancing is Goyish
Picking from your mate's plate is Jewish Not wanting even a "little taste" is Goyish
Fruitcake is Goyish Fruit and cake is Jewish
Reading "how-to" books is Goyish Writing "how-to" books is Jewish
ESPN is Goyish PBS is Jewish
Tiffany's is Goyish Your Uncle Ira in the Jewelry District is Jewish
Passing bars is Goyish Passing the Bar Exam is Jewish
DIY (Do it Yourself) is Goyish PAG (Pay A Goy who knows what he's doing) is Jewish
Mary Kay is Goyish Murray the K is Jewish
The Chia pet infomercial is Goyish Ronco spray-on hair is Jewis
Morbidly obese is Goyish Baby fat is Jewish
NASCAR is Goyish. Period.

Tommy: Private school is Goyish; Public school is Jewish
West Coast is Goyish; East Coast is Jewish
Anonymous: Lunch meat is Goyish; Deli is Jewish
White bread is Goyish; Rye is Jewish
Anonymous: Sushi is Jewish; Chopsticks are Goyish
Quilt cases are Jewish; Comforters are Goyish
Suspenders are Jewish; Overalls are Goyish
Steve A.: Waldbaum's was Jewish; A&P was Goyish. (Now A&P is the parent company of Waldbaum's!)
Mark G: Alan Sherman was Jewish; Weird Al Yankovic, not so much
Antonio: Laughing at someone else's troubles is Goyish; Laughing at your own troubles is Jewish
Tova Wald: "Youngsters" are Goyish, "Kids" are Jewish
Buttering bread is Goyish; Spreading margarine is Jewish
Sitting quietly to get served is Goyish: Standing and waving one's hands is Jewish
Yaron Salmen: I have just one thing to say about the Heineken can on the pic above. Maybe beer is Goyish, but Freddie Heineken, the founder of the Heineken Brewery here in Amsterdam (a very Jewish city) was a Jewish man...just thought to tell you that...well, pointing this out is Jewish too I think...
Dennis R. Green: WWF is Goyish, the NBA is Jewish
Tattoos and piercing are Goyish; Diamonds and pearls are Jewish
Ham sandwiches are Goyish; Corned beef on rye is Jewish
White sox are Goyish; No sox are Jewish

Saving Money is Goyish; Investing money is Jewish
Snowmobiling is Goyish; Skiing is Jewish
Doing Landscaping is Goyish; Hiring a Landscaper is Jewish

Beer is Goyish; Wine is Jewish

I am Jewish; My first wife was Goyish
Adela: Frizzy hair is Jewish; Stick straight flat hair is Goyish
A party that revolves around the buffet table is Jewish: A party that revolves around the bar is Goyish!
Leibel ben Yitzchak: Making lists of what's Jewish and what's not ... is VERY Jewish!!
Jacquie: Picking nuts is Goyish; Nitpicking is Jewish

Tova Wald! For the overall quality of all three entries.

Jacquie: Picking nuts is Goyish; Nitpicking is Jewish
Dennis R. Green: White sox are Goyish; No sox are Jewish;

Marnie Winston-Macauley is the author of Yiddishe Mamas: The Truth About the Jewish Mother" and the award-winning "A Little Joy, A Little Oy" 2008 calendar. Her 2009 calendar can be pre-ordered on Amazon.

Click here to read Jewish Vs. Goyish, Part One.

Click here to read Jewish Vs. Goyish, Part Two.

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