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Caterer? Photographer? What is really the essence of a Bar/Bat Mitzvah? First, let's understand what the words "Bar (or Bat) Mitzvah" actually mean. The phrase literally translates to being "son (daughter) of obligation" -- i.e. the young person becomes fully responsible to observe the commandments of the Torah. Although we commonly refer to "having" a Bar Mitzvah, technically speaking, this is impossible. The term "Bar Mitzvah" refers to a status, in the same way being a student or being a parent is a status. A Jewish boy automatically becomes Bar Mitzvah when he turns 13 years old, and a girl at age 12. (In general, girls tend to mature earlier than boys.) On a deeper level, just as their bodies are growing and changing, so too their souls are growing and changing. The kabbalistic tradition tells us that a person's spiritual being has several levels of soul. A new level of soul (called neshama) comes into awareness at Bar/Bat Mitzvah time. This is the time when their moral awareness and sensitivity fully develops, enabling them to take complete responsibility for their actions. The commentators explain that in Judaism, a mitzvah performed because one is commanded, is considered greater than a mitzvah performed voluntarily. This is because a person has a natural aversion to fulfilling an obligation. Yet overcoming this aversion is a sign of maturity, and this is what the Bar/Bat Mitzvah celebrates -- reaching the stage of obligation. Also, upon reaching age 13, a boy begins the obligation to put on tefillin every day (except Shabbat and holidays). The Event
At this point it is customary for the father to recite the following blessing:
As for the Bar/Bat Mitzvah celebration (reception), this is best held on the day which the young man/woman becomes 13/12 years old. If necessary, the celebration may be postponed somewhat. There are different practices regarding what is done at a Bar Mitzvah celebration. In order to ensure that the event has the status of a "mitzvah meal," it is proper for the young man to relate some Torah thoughts at the celebration -- i.e. the famous Bar Mitzvah speech. On the Shabbat following his 13th birthday, the young man is called up to the Torah (even if he was called up to the Torah during the course of the week). In some communities, he reads from the Torah and/or the Haftorah. One interesting custom raises much excitement in the synagogue: At the conclusion of his final blessing, the young man is good-naturedly pelted with candies by friends and relatives. The festivities should not become so ostentatious that the religious significance becomes secondary. It is important that the new adult appreciate that this is a celebration of maturity and responsibility, which will hopefully carry through for the rest of their life. The GiftNow what about the ubiquitous Bar Mitzvah gift? In the old days, the gift of choice was a fountain pen, then a Walkman, and today an iPod. Those are just fine but there are much more meaningful gifts for a Bar/Bat Mitzvah. Since this event celebrates the young person becoming obligated in mitzvot, the most appropriate gift is, naturally, one that gives a deeper understanding of the Jewish heritage and enables one to better perform the mitzvot! (An iPod, s/he can get anytime.) With that in mind, my favorite gift idea is a tzedakah (charity) box. Every Jew should have a tzedakah box in his home, so he can drop in change on a regular basis. The money can then be given to support a Jewish school or institution -- in your home town or in Israel (ever Jews' "home town"). There are beautiful tzedakah boxes made of wood and silver, and you can see a selection here. The next obvious gift is a Jewish book. There are many hundreds of titles to choose from, so I've narrowed it down to the Bar/Bat Mitzvah Top 10. Just click on the title to order:
If you're really feeling generous, Tefillin is a wonderful gift for a Bar Mitzvah boy. Owning a pair of Tefillin (and wearing them!) is an important part of Jewish identity. But since they are expensive (about $400), not every Bar Mitzvah boy has a pair. To make sure you get kosher Tefillin, see here. And of course, if all else fails, you can always give money. It is a nice idea to give $18 (or some multiple thereof) since the numerical value of 18 in Hebrew is "Chai," which means "Life." The First Bar Mitzvah Now here's a Jewish trivia question: Who was the first person to have a Bar Mitzvah? We could actually suggest three answers: 1) Abraham - The first person to begin observing some of the mitzvot was "the first Jew," Abraham. However, he was older than age 13 when he started, so... 2) Isaac - Isaac was the first person to was Jewish at age 13. The Torah writes, "And Abraham made a great party on the day" (Genesis 21:8), which the Midrash explains was a party for Isaac becoming Bar Mitzvah. 3) Mount Sinai - It was only when the Torah was given at Mount Sinai, that the Jewish people became truly obligated to observe the mitzvot. Therefore, the Sinai experience was actually a mass Bar/Bat Mitzvah of the entire Jewish people. Further Reading Articles on Aish.com: • My Son's Bar Mitzvah by Emuna Braverman• Bar Mitzvah Highlights by Sara Yoheved Rigler • Post-Bar Mitzvah Stress Disorder by Judy Gruen • Bar Mitzvah Motivators by Rabbi Avi Shafran Book to purchase: • The Bar Mitzvah Treasury by Rabbi Yonah Weinrib and Rabbi Yaakov Salomon (ArtScroll) With thanks to Rabbi Dov Lev and Rabbi Moshe Schapiro Published: Tuesday, January 18, 2000
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Colloquially speaking, when people say, "I had a Bar Mitzvah," it means that they had an aliyah to the Torah in synagogue. This should be done at the first opportunity after reaching 13 years of age. This calculation follows the Jewish calendar.
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Thanks
I have a lot of jewish friends and had no idea what to give them, or any history of the tradition. Thanks.
(2) Katie 5/15/2008 12:40:00 PM
Thank you so much!
I just like to say that this helped me so much! I needed to do a project on Bar Mitzvah and this site has been awesome! Thanks! xXx
(3) tom 5/14/2008 5:54:00 AM
got an R.E exam today and this really helped me brush up on my Jewish traditions. thanks x x x